Choosing Joy with Nikki Cruise

In today's episode, my guest Nikki Cruise, talks about her illness that left her wheelchair bound for many years and how she chose to find joy in the Lord in the midst of her circumstances. The Lord healed Nikki from the inside out. Listen to her insperational story.
I pray it will bless you.

Nikki Cruise (the God Inspired Joy Junkie) is an energetic and dynamic transformational speaker, who in sharing her miraculous testimony, inspires Kingdom leaders to activate the Healing Power of Joy to elevate the impact of their leadership.  

As a Christ centered joy coach and Kingdom leader she equips Kingdom women in ministry and business to Heal from past and hidden hurts, release shame and  embrace their God given calling - empowered by the  tools to daily choose God's abundance and joy in all circumstances.
She is passionate about community, Joy and transformation. The transformation through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit that makes all things possible. 
And of course FUN And JOY

Transcript

Ann: 0:09

Hey there, friends. My name is Anne Calvio. And welcome to her Scars. Tell a Story, podcast, a safe space for women from all different walks of life and different backgrounds coming together to share their stories of God's redeeming love. So grab your cup of coffee and journey with us now. Hey there friends. Welcome to her Scars Tell A Story podcast. I'm your host, Ann Calvio, and today I am with a fabulous guest of mine. I'm so excited for you to meet her. Nikki Cruz, welcome.

Nikki: 0:55

Thank you. And first of all, thank you very much for having me on here as your guest, for having the opportunity to just share God's handiwork and God's love with all your listeners.

Ann: 1:07

Nikki, I had the awesome privilege to get to know you. A few weeks ago we did a conference, right? I was just touched by your testimony and I knew that, I knew I had to have you as a guest, to have you share your testimony. can you tell us what they call you? What's your nickname?

Nikki: 1:31

I'm known as the Joy Junkie. Yeah. Which is a name that was given to me and I embraced it. And my business has Joy Junkie in its name too.

Ann: 1:41

And I just love that because at least from what I have gotten to know of you, you are so full of joy and it makes sense. It's gonna make a lot more sense once we hear the why behind that. So feel free to tell us a little bit about yourself and your story. Thank you very much.

Nikki: 2:02

Well, I currently live in Texas, but I actually started off way over in South Africa and I grew up in South Africa and gotta the States and lived an incredible life like many of you here. And my husband and I spent a good 13, 14 years. I can't do the maths right now. And then one day, although I'd had a lot of health challenges up until then, I'm always bounced back. I'm one of those babies that bounced back, whether she's six months or 60 years old, which I'm not yet. Um, I, I always bounced back and I became very ill. I had a very severe asthma attack and I was rushed into the emergency room with a heart rate running of over 180. They couldn't get IVs in, they couldn't get me breathing properly, and they did everything they could. And then all of a sudden everything just started working right. They got the medication into me and everything seemed fine, but they thought, let's just check. We'll keep you here for observation. And it had been this chaotic fluster of events with people running around me. And there was, I think, more frightening for the people around me than for me.'cause I was just confused. I stayed in the hospital overnight and the next morning I did my bounce back. I got up to go to the bathroom and every single one of my limbs decided to do its own thing. My body shook my limbs, tremor, my hand spasmed, my arms got stuck in awkward positions and nobody knew what was happening. Needless to say, every alarm bell that was attached to me went off and I could not stand. I could not do anything. My heart rate went through the roof, and that was the first. Years like that, I thought everything was gonna be fine and I actually could not do anything to help myself. The fear that struck me at that moment was it was paralyzing, except I couldn't be paralyzed because my body was shaking and my limbs were flying in all directions, and I literally had no control. And that fear stepped in. And I sat there and then I thought, okay, well this'll go away. As fast as it came, they ran tests. Nobody knew what to do, and the suggestion or the thought was that this was the result of the trauma from my asthma attack. And for the first time in my life, I could not be independent. Up until then, I'd done everything on my own. I was a very active person. I shook so badly all the time that I couldn't even brush my hair because I would just beat my head and because I'm the joy junkie and I'll say I beat my brains out. That's probably what happened. However, I couldn't dress myself. I couldn't feed myself. If I tried to pick food up even by hand, I would end up flinging it over the across the room, and we found ways to laugh about it, and that's part of how we got through it. But it was devastating. I had this beautiful life that came crashing down and the medical responses, because they couldn't find answers, were, oh, well, it's in your mind, until they saw me in person. Oh, we can't do anything, or you just need to do this. And I got shifted from one set of doctors and medical experts to another. And because they didn't have answers, it was usually just that it was in my mind and that broke me. When people speak things over us, when people don't hear our pain, it hurts. And we start to doubt ourselves. And I don't know about the rest of you. You may not be jumping around spamming, but I know that a lot of people have felt that pain. And even when I think of it now, I remember those feelings of rejection, the confusion I had, because other people didn't have answers. Well, I went home. I really couldn't do anything and thought. This came on really fast. It's gonna go away just as fast. I'll just settle in here with God and we'll hang out. And I told my mom I would be flying back to South Africa at the end of the year, and this was in February. And everyone started saying, we don't see that happening. I said, no, no, it's gonna be fine. And it carried on. And it carried on. And somewhere, somewhere inside me, I just had the strength to keep trusting God. And that came from me having trusted him before. I didn't throw it out the window. I built on it. And God did use me to minister to people because there was nothing else I could do. But the world carried on. Everything carried on. My friends carried on with their lives. People found me very difficult to be around'cause it was awkward. So I became very lonely and God was my best friend. There were times when I felt like he was my only friend and I knew he was gonna heal me. I knew he was gonna heal me, but my mind was being worn off. There was hurt building up, there was frustration, there was anger. But I still held onto him. Yeah. And for 11 years I had the frustration and the anger, and then they treated me with all the meds, the world's cure to everything. And I was on 23 different medications. I was on fentanyl patches for nine years just to deal with the pain in my body. And if you know anything about those level of drugs, they really do mess your mind up. Yeah,

Ann: 8:05

they do. I just wanted to ask you, I know you're talking a lot about the physical pain that you had, and at this time, are you in a wheelchair? Oh yeah.

Nikki: 8:19

I am actually strapped into a wheelchair because I spasmed out of it enough times to break ribs. So I actually had to be strapped into the wheelchair. And you were saying about the physical pain. That was physical confinement, but it brought about a lot of mental and emotional confinement too. And the isolation, when you wanna worship God, it's awesome worshiping him on your own, but not having that connection, not having corporate worship, not being able to pray with people. And I'm a people person. There's something that you miss, so please don't take that for granted. If you have access to it, do it. Step into it now. Don't wait until you're hurting. Don't wait until you're broken to reach out and embrace other people and love them and let them love you.

Ann: 9:15

You, you said something, you said something, Nikki, you said that, your friends were living their lives, and your pain, your situation made them a bit uncomfortable. when they became uncomfortable with your situation, how did that make you feel? Like At

Nikki: 9:36

first, I was angry. My pride got in the way, and I thought, how could they, I've given them so much because that's our offensive reaction to things. I was hurt. I was very, very hurt. And I felt unworthy. I felt unworthy before them, and it affected how worthy I felt before God. And I started saying, why couldn't he just give me a couple of people to stand by me? Because I really was very, very alone.

Ann: 10:09

And in your loneliness, did you ever at all try to reach out to anybody or in your loneliness, did you feel the need to isolate? I

Nikki: 10:19

actually did reach out to. There was an amazing thing that happened. I reached out online to people and I could hardly use the computer, but what I could do was connect on, I was connecting at that stage on WhatsApp with people and sometimes over the phone, but I couldn't hold the phone. I would have to put it down and it opens a whole new side of the story. I connected with a pastor in Uganda through a whole means of things that happened, and he picked up that I was isolated from people. So he said, well, why don't you join our online group? And at, and by this point, it was quite ways down the line. By this time they were all isolated because of Covid, so they were connecting online to keep their communities going, and he said, come join our group. And it was great. I was in this group where very little English was spoken, but the Holy Spirit was spoken, and that's where I found a place of belonging. And I realized how God had just opened up something in such a unique way. And that has blossomed into a whole different side of my life. But I think you can all see now I'm not shaking, my arms aren't flying in all directions except that I'm an energetic speaker. And it was through that church, through that ministry in Uganda. That was part of the path to my healing.

Ann: 11:55

Hmm That's beautiful. That it took community, right? It took community, it took people praying, it took people, coming alongside of you, even though it was virtually right. They were coming alongside of you, coming in agreement with you. Praying with you, loving you, caring for you. Right. And, all that in the Lord's hand, of course, the Lord's hand there. That you came to your healing and tell me what that was like.

Nikki: 12:27

Can I tell you something before I go there? Yeah. I had a friend called me one day, she was somebody who had been my caregiver for a couple of months, and she'd gone to a conference and she said, you know, you, you're connected with these people in Uganda because we now, my husband and I now have a ministry too, this church, church in Uganda. And she said, there's this pastor here. They have a huge ministry in Uganda. You really gotta connect with them. And I did. And that's where my healing started. That's where God managed to open up. Take me to that place of healing because that particular church that I connected with online, the pastor wrote a book called Redeeming Your Timeline and everything that had happened in my last 11 years, all that hurt, all that, everything else, and even trauma and hurts from before my time in the wheelchair. That had really clouded my vision, that it changed my personality. I gotta sit down and say, God, take it. And God can't change the events of your past, but he can change how they affected you. And when we don't receive that healing from our past, when we still give the all. I had, I just kept saying, not again, I'm in a wheelchair. I've had all this other stuff happen. You know, I've forgiven, I've let it all go. But I didn't say God redeem my timeline. And that's when I believe my healing started and it didn't start off with my physical healing.

Ann: 14:09

Yeah. That's wonderful. That's all, God's way of working things out, God's way of healing us. he starts from the inside out. He starts there. Right. And now that you've, gone through this inner healing, you've also gone through the physical aspect of healing and even the emotional healing. How are you now able. To bring encouragement and hope to those that may be suffering with a physical ailment or even emotional or spiritual ailment. Having

Nikki: 14:49

walked through this place of, before I was healed, I was actually told blatantly I would never walk again. And at that moment I was angry with God. I looked away and my emotions bubbled over and that's where I get to other, encourage other people because I can say, I get it. I get it. You may not be in a wheelchair, but what is going on in your life that's got you bound up? Whatcha believing that people are saying that stopping you being the best version of you physically, emotionally, or spiritually? After a couple of weeks, I eventually turned on and said, God, okay, whether I'm in a wheelchair walking, I'm gonna serve you. And that is my brightest encouragement to people. Regardless of your circumstances, it is possible for you to choose joy. It is possible for you to choose to have hope, and that is where I've, I've lived it. I put myself in that place and then I had to deal with my self condemnation, and my first thing I had to do was to turn on and say, God, I honor you. I worship you. Now come and partner with me and help me regain my royal identity. God being who he is, definitely didn't turn around and say, Well go and fix it all yourself and come back when you're ready because God doesn't do that. He held his arms out. He embraced me. He hugged me and said, welcome back. Let's do this. And God is waiting with open arms to embrace you. You've never stepped away too far. You've never been doubtful to the point that he's not gonna welcome you back with open arms because that's our God. What he wants more than anything is for you to take him into the dark places when you've stepped into them so that he can bring his life into it. And that's the greatest encouragement I can bring people, and that's what brings the joy, knowing that God's got you regardless of your mistakes, of your past hurts, or of where you're at.

Ann: 17:09

Yes. To that person that's saying, Nikki, I am devastated right now. I'm at the lowest point of my life. I am going through something that I feel I can't recuperate from. I've been praying, fasting, reading the Bible, but how can I find joy in that? What would you say to that person?

Nikki: 17:32

The joy. The joy of the Lord. That is our strength. That joy comes from trusting the promises of God. And God is promised that he has plans for you, that he has the best for you. So if you are in that place where you feel, how do I do this? If you feel like you are miserable in. You know what? It's okay to be miserable because that's where you get to say, God, come and give me the joy. The joy comes from the faith. You get to say, God, show me the next step. Just the little step. It's never too late. And all you need to do is say, Jesus, come on in. Show me your promises so that I can see them and so that I can believe them. And if you don't believe them, if you don't have the faith for them asking for it, borrow the faith of the people around you who are praying for you. That's why we don't have to do it on our own. That's why we get to do it together.

Ann: 18:36

One of the things, Nikki, that I have experienced in my devastating times in my tests and my trials, I have found that joy is not a feeling. It's a fruit. It's a fruit of the spirit. And a lot of times we mistaken it for a feeling. And so we're looking to see how we feel. Oh, what am I feeling today? You know, I don't feel joy today, but it's really a fruit. And just like if you've ever seen a fruit tree, when the storms come and when those high winds come, the fruit still remains intact, right? And that's like that fruit of joy, that though the storms of life, the harsh winds come, the fruit still remains intact. And so many times people will say, how can you, how can you still have that joy? How can you know I don't get it? You're going through so much. How? How do you still have that? Is that fake? It's like, no, this is not fabricated. This is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. This is the fruit from spending time in God's presence. Yes, this is the fruit from praying and seeking the face of God, as you said, desperately needing him, desperately crying out, talking to him, you know, letting him know I need you, Lord God. God is not uncomfortable with our neediness. In fact, he invites it because then it's less of us and more of Him, it more of his goodness, more of his grace, more of his kindness toward us. So thank you for sharing that on Joy. What are some of the verses that you can give us off the top of your head,

Nikki: 20:32

You know, Nehemiah eight 10 ends up saying, the joy of the Lord is my strength. And when we are so weak, when we're in that desperate place, you were talking about, that's where we get to tap into the strength that comes from joy. Joy is not something that disappears. When God created you, he created you with joy in you. So that gets to bloom. Mm-hmm. You know, the other scriptures, there are so many about joy, but until you focus on some of the things that bring about joy, and I'd like to focus on those. Yeah. Romans 12. All righty. I still got a bit of foggy brain here, so I'll, I'll make sure I've got these right. Okay. Romans 12, two, have your mind renewed if you get stuck in those bad places. You can't have joy, so you've gotta have the renewing of your mind. Thessalonians we're called to have joy in all circumstances. What you were saying a moment ago, how do you do that? Joy and happiness are two different things. Happiness comes and goes. Joy is having the deep trust that God's got your back. It never goes away. It might have got clouded, and I say, what's in your joy jar that filled with clouding and junk? You know that your joy jar just needs a bit of cleaning out every now and then because your joy doesn't go away. It might just have been compressed and compacted into a corner of your life. Feed it and let it bloom by renewing your mind, by choosing that in every circumstance.

Ann: 22:18

Renewing your mind, right? And how can we get stuck in that negative thinking?

Nikki: 22:24

We get so easily stuck in the negative thinking. Why? Because we listen to the words of the world and the words of people, and we choose to focus and trust only parts of the Bible and not the other. Either you believe God and you trust his word, or you don't, even if you don't feel it, seek out the scriptures. Believe who he says you are, because let me tell you what God says you are, is way beyond beautiful. And it's true. Every word of it is true. So seek out godly truth and try and dumb down and dull out the words of the world.

Ann: 23:08

Nikki, when you were finally able to get out of that wheelchair, what did that mean for you?

Nikki: 23:17

Freedom. Freedom. And I believe the greatest part of my healing was that God healed my body, my mind, and my spirit. My body is the last thing he healed and I wasn't a walk-in mess because he worked on the rest and I had freedom, I had joy, I had enthusiasm, and I had 11 years of life to catch up on. And I was excited, but my greatest feeling was of gratitude to God and humility for his grace. And, and I think you've heard me say before my, my claim to. People think, oh, that makes you so wonderful. My claim to fame, it's the same as everybody else who loves Jesus. And that is that I serve a mighty, gracious, merciful king. And I get to stand on that every day and say, I am so lucky to have him in my life. And luck isn't the right word, but I'll use it. I'm so lucky to have him in my life because he chose me and he chooses every single person if we would accept his friendship and his love. And when you feel lonely and when you feel hurt, you often don't want to,'cause there's too much at risk. He will never fail you. And I know that now after turning around and being angry because I thought his promises to me were broken. He showed me. He never failed me. He never let me down. I just took my focus off him and listened to what man was saying. Hmm.

Ann: 24:54

I think that's, you're right on point with that. You are right on point. When we lose focus of what really matters, we just Christ. Right? Yeah. He's what really matters. And we lose focus and that that's very human-like of us, right. Um, to lose focus. But when the Lord leads us, when he's merciful, when he is loving to us and he begins to show us that he's not far away. He's right there. He's sitting with us right there. He's very present with us. We can't help then to say, Lord. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for you being father, for you being the lover of my soul, for you, taking care of me. Right? And he blesses us. He blesses us with his presence. He blesses us with his peace, with his joy, with his comfort. I think that many times when we go through tough situations like this, we can't wait till we're on the other side. We can't wait till he answers. And we see the miracle, right? We, that's we wait with expectancy. And there's nothing wrong with that because we serve a mighty God. But I think there's so much richness that while we're going through that storm, if we just take a moment, To take our eyes off that situation, right off those circumstances, and we just choose to quiet ourselves with God to hear from his heart, to see him in the midst of it. Man, we, we take away such sweet treasures that we would only be able to find in situations and circumstances and tests and challenges like these if we just take a moment to focus on him and not the situation. I wanna share a scripture that spoke to me in my, season when I had severe anxiety, which for me was debilitating. It was crippling. Like you mentioned, it may have not been physical, although it, it did affect me physical, right? Yeah. In a different way. But it, it is Psalm 94 19 and it says, when anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. And what does it say there? Your consolation when anxiety was great within me during that process, during that trial, when anxiety was great within me. Lord, your consolation, see the way that he ministers to us. During a test. During a trial, his consolation, his comfort would not come any other way, but through that test and that trial, because that's the kind of God who loves us, who caress for us, that he doesn't just leave us in that alone, but he walks alongside of us and it draws us deeper into a deeper understanding of his comfort, of his consolation, of his love, of His grace His grace became so real, so tangible in that season when I didn't know how I was gonna get out of it, but I felt his presence. I knew his presence was there, and I was not alone in that. And thank God he healed me and he delivered me right. I still remember those nights when I cried on my knees. Lord, take this away. And he comfort me, and his consolation was beautiful and great. It was just what I needed. I'm sure you have had those moments with the Lord. Can you share a little bit about that? Yes.

Nikki: 29:24

Because those storms are real. And having faith doesn't mean those storms go away. Crying out to God doesn't mean those storms go away, but it gives you the strength with God to overcome them. And in those times when everything is so overwhelming, the thing I remember is Isaiah 55, which is my favorite passage because it starts off, it's called the invitation to the thirsty. God says, come to me. Stop. Stop running around trying to find answers elsewhere, things that aren't gonna, so give you solutions. Come to me and you'll delight in the register. And then he goes through a whole of things, many things in that scripture. I encourage you. Go and read it. Look at it as God giving an invitation to you. And he says, where the thorn Bushes grew now we'll grow the mole. He will replace those times. If you can see that he's doing that, even though you may not have seen it manifested, and that is so important. God's promises of healing are real. We may not have seen them manifested yet, but they have already been done. Have already been done. But that passage that Isaiah 55, after that journey ends up saying, you will go out, enjoy, and be let forth in peace. Yes. And that is the answer. When God gives the invitation and we follow the joy and the peace

Ann: 31:05

come. Yes. Yes. Ooh, I love that verse. Thank you for sharing that, that that is a beautiful verse. Joy and peace. Joy and peace. It. This morning after we prayed Nikki, those were the two words that came to my mind and my heart was joy and peace. Joy and peace in the midst. Of our greatest trials. Yes, it's possible. Yes, it's possible. Yes, through Jesus, it's possible. Through his Holy Spirit. It's possible. It is. We can choose yes to walk and joy and in peace and and I thank you for sharing that. What were some of the challenges you faced after, you received your healing? You

Nikki: 31:59

know what? I faced them then, and I still face them today, and most of the challenges I face are me because my choices, my taking my eyes off God, my assuming what his plan for my life is. Making decisions where I think, oh, this would be a great idea. I can serve so many of God's people through this. And forgetting to say, oh God, what do you want me to do? We so easily step into that place where we take it all back. You know, when you're in crisis, you trust God, and then you kind of get out of the crisis a bit and you decide to take over. So that's been my greatest challenge. I have been hit with some more, almost echoing things from my wheelchair years. I've had to severe back problems and I've had to choose not to fall into that place of, oh no, I can't believe this is happening again. And I've got to stand in the place and say, God did not heal me out of a wheelchair for me to be lying around in bed all day. God, what do I get to learn in this season? Yeah. And stop saying, God, why? And say, God, what next?

Ann: 33:23

Yes. What's next, Lord? And I think you brought up such a great point, is that we jump into things. We jump into tasks, assignments without really bringing it before the Lord and saying, God, do you want me to be a part of this? Lord? Is this part of your will and plan for my life? I was just talking to someone who said, you know, there's a lot of good things, Christian things, a lot of good activities we can, you know, partake in and, and we can support people in. But God, what is it that you are calling me to? What is that specific thing? What are the, who are the specific people that in this season of life you are calling me to Lord? So that this, this can be fruitful, right? Yes.'cause there's a lot of activity going on, but a lot of it is fruitful. And so we need to bring it before the Lord and say, God, is this where you want me right now? And take time to really hear from him. Take time to really, uh, receive clarity from him before we step into that next thing though, it would be a great thing though. It would be a good thing. Is it a God thing? Lord, is this what you've assigned me to in this season? Right? I'm glad you brought that up because I believe that a lot of us, you know, go through that. A lot of us just jump into that next thing, you know, without really, um, did we check in with God? Did we pray about it? Did we fast for it? Did we, did we really ask him about that? Um, and, and what happens is when we don't, then we bear a lot of the consequences, right? We bear a lot of the weights and it's like, well, I, I thought this was a good thing. You know, God is gracious, God is loving, but God is also sovereign. God is holy. and he wants us to seek him, to seek him for instruction on what we should do next. So it's good to bring it before the Lord and ask him, okay, may I

Nikki: 35:44

add to that, that so often we want to jump in with what everybody else is doing, or we want to stay away because we don't feel good enough. One of the areas where we can lose our joy is by not recognizing who we are in Christ, not in the general term of Daughters of Christ, but who are you? Who am I? Because each of us is beautifully and wonderfully made, but each of us is extraordinary. You are created to be an extraordinary person with an extraordinary mission. It means you don't look like the extraordinary person next to you. You look like your own version of extraordinary. And there are a couple of things that define what an extraordinary person is, and you can cultivate those things, but God is not gonna work with you to cultivate you, to be somebody else's extraordinary person. You get to be your unique, extraordinary person. And I love that saying, you know, just be yourself. Everybody else is taken. And when we jump into things without seeking God, we are not standing in our extraordinary, and God cannot fully shine because we've cut him off a part of the picture. Yeah.

Ann: 37:09

Yes. I see it a lot with our generation. Everybody wants to do what the next person is doing or, you know, one up each other. Right? What that develops is a spirit of competition, where the body of Christ is competing with one another. I did a podcast with another host, and that was one of the things we were talking about. The way God has, created the church and graced the church is that he's given us all gifts, for his glory, through his spirit. Not to compete, but to compliment, right? To work as one in the same spirit of unity, to edify and build up the church, but going back to the identity, I think of one Corinthians 13, right? If I have all these things right, if I can speak in tongues, in first Corinthians 12, they're arguing about the gifts and which gift is greater and this and that. But then he says, okay. He says, I want you to know the better way. And the better way is love, love. See, when we find our identity, when we know our identity in Christ, right? Then we're able to love. We're able to love ourselves through Christ, right?'cause the Bible tells us to love your neighbor as yourself, so we can't love our neighbors if we don't love ourself. It's not a, a self-centered kind of love. It's a sacrificial love. It's a love that puts Christ, above everything and then others before self. It's that kind of love. And so when we operate out of that love, when we function in the body out of that love, that's where you get to see the beauty of God and his church, his church and unity and oneness, functioning in their own roles and their unique, like you said, their unique, extraordinary functions and roles. How beautiful that is because Christ is coming back for a bride. He's coming back for the body. He's the head, he's coming back and he's not coming back for one person he's coming back for his church. I'm thankful that God has created us all unique and extraordinary in his eyes. You

Nikki: 39:46

just brought something to mind for me as you spoke about love and us loving. So often we think we can't love people or we shouldn't love people. And I recently heard a statement by Dr. Todd White, where he said, instead of being hurt by people, hurt for them. And that comes back to that ability to, to heal, to step into your healing. Because if you're listening to what the world says, if you sitting in a fence where I felt abandoned by the people for my, for my community, I didn't realize I was standing in a fence. And that standing in a fence limited my ability to love. And I had to switch my mindset. I, on one level, understood why they weren't there. It was uncomfortable, but I was still offended. I was hurt. And you cannot be loving people when you've got a fence clouding yourself and it clouds your joy jar. Yes. And it steals your peace. So when you are, when you're standing in that place, comparing yourself to everybody next door, you become offended. When you become offended, you start to see diminished joy in your life and you lose the ability to love because God no longer can pass his love through you. And you know what? There's lots of things that don't happen without love, but without you receiving that perfect love of God, there ain't no joy. There might be happiness that comes and goes. There isn't true joy because you have nothing solid to hold onto. So if you're, if you are finding it difficult to love somebody, that's a check engine light. If you are losing your peace or your joy, that's a check engine light. And you get to stop and say, am I comparing? Am I not being who God has called me to be? Am I not trusting my identity in Christ? So check engine lights are wonderful things, not because it means there's something wrong, but it means because we know that something's wrong and we can look to God for a solution and we can celebrate that we're gonna move forward.

Ann: 42:09

Yes, yes, yes, yes. The check engine lights, you said there's, that's a blessing, right? It's, it's a blessing to have the check engine lights. The next step though is to check the engine, you know? Yes. Because that light will go off. But many times we can choose to ignore that check engine light. I don't know about you, but I've been in my car and my check engine light, and I'm like, oh, oh, what is that? You know, I'll, I'll wait till later. I'll let my husband know later, and next thing you know, the car's not running. And I'm like, oh my gosh. You know, like, and so, yes, it is important that when we see the check engine light, that we stop. Take a moment, stop, pull over, and check under the engine. Check under the engine, because that's the only way you're gonna find out what's causing, what's causing that light to go off. What's causing that hardness of my heart. What's causing me to have difficulties loving people? Why can't I forgive? Why can't I release? And so it is really important to stop and check under that hood and by the grace of God. Here's the thing that by we have His grace, we have his love, we have his forgiveness. He is waiting on us to come to him and say, Lord, I acknowledge that this light went off and you're showing me what's under the hood, Lord, and I need help there. I need healing there, Lord. Something happens when we come to him, honestly, with a broken contract, heart asking and inviting the Lord into that space of our lives. Healing happens, joy comes back, and freedom. We are free. We are free to love, free to love others. Holy Spirit in Romans five, five, it talks about the Holy Spirit pouring the love of God in our hearts pouring. It's a continual pouring, but when our heart is hearted and calloused, how could anything get in there? Right? Yeah.

Nikki: 44:45

You, uh, you just brought to mind.. I'm a pictures person and God gave me this picture a while ago when I was talking about this Check engine light. You know, the first thing we get to do is note that those aren't the lights telling us that the door's open or the door's closed. It is the check engine light. We, we have that discernment in us. Ask God to help us stare it. But now we see the Czech engine lights on, and do you know that sitting next to you in your car is the world's greatest mechanic yet? How often do we get up, lift up the hood, and then wonder what we should do or call the AAA or look for help when the world's greatest mechanic who can fix our engine is standing right there waiting for us to ask? He's there. He's with you. He wants permission for him to get involved because he's a gentleman and he's not gonna just dig in and fix it for you because you haven't asked him yet. So stop looking for every other solution. Go to the sss, go to the quiet place where you hear from God and he will help you fix that engine. Yeah, don't forget, you've got the world's greatest mechanic sitting in your car next to you. He is the answer. He has the answers. And if you can't hear him, ask him to show you ways that you can share him. If for some reason you're in a place where you are deaf because you're hurting, asking to put it in writing in a signpost, God will, I'm sorry, I'm getting very emotional here. God will always speak your language. He is always talking your language to reach you. Are you listening? Are you taking time to listen? Because that mechanic standing there right next to the car, he understands you, but you're choosing not to reach out to him. You're not answering that invitation to, and when I say you, I'm talking to myself too. We don't answer that invitation to the thirsty and because we've got most of it together, we don't wanna take this one little thorn in our side over share it to God because what will people say? What will they think if they see our vulnerability here? You know what? If they're the right people, they will say, welcome. How can we support you in that? How can we Asher you into a place with Jesus? Don't, please don't do what I did for so long in that time, in my wheelchair, I was strong. I had to be strong. I was hurt. So I didn't break down in tears. God, he, he's speaking your language just here,

Ann: 47:59

Nikki, that's precious. Thank you for sharing that. You're right about that. I just wanna say this, that in our hurt, in our pain, there's more people that can empathize with us and relate to us than we even know, than we even know. We sometimes feel alone that we can't relate to anyone. But I guarantee you there are people that can relate, that want to relate to you, that want to walk alongside of you. I thank God for those people. I thank God for those people and I thank God that he makes us, those people. He makes us, we go through tests and trials and people walk alongside of us, but then he says, okay, you're doing better now. You go and you comfort that person over there, and you show them my love and be patient with them. Be gentle with them just as I've been with you. I think a lot of times we think we're alone and we think that no one can relate to us. And it may not be the exact same circumstances, but I believe. We've all experienced pain and suffering and just devastating circumstances at our own degree, at our own level, we can relate with one another, just like Jesus can relate to us. And I love what you said. I, and I have to go back to that you said Jesus was the greatest friend that I had. And you know what? Just, a season that I just came out of Nikki, the same was true for me. Jesus. Jesus. And he had me in the Book of John for months. He had me there because John knew him as friend too. John knew him as friend. And we get to know him because he is the same. He doesn't change. I got to know him as friend in that season. And it was one of the, the most challenging seasons I've gone through. Where I did fight off feelings of loneliness, where I did fight those feelings of discouragement. But he was with me. And the, the closer I was to my friend, the less I had to fight. And it became more of resting in him. It became more of a resting place where he said, stop fighting. It's not your fight. Just rest. Just rest. And in that resting, he was renewing me. He was restoring me. And I had to, I had to, like he said, I had to look for him, keep my eyes on him in order for him to do that within me. Nikki, do you have any last words for us before we close this episode? Very briefly,

Nikki: 51:11

if you are pla, have places that are hurting. If you have places where you feel broken, let them come into the light, into God's light because it holds back who God is calling you to be. If you don't heal up, you cannot be that extraordinary person God created you to be. So trust him. He's not in a hurry. He will work at your pace, but he wants to see you healed and hold. So surrender it to him. And if you need to reach out to somebody and say, I'm struggling to give this to God, do it. God will protect you. So don't hold onto your hurts. Don't bury them and think tomorrow is another day. I'll just build on top of it. Firm foundation, keep your feet on the solid rock so you can come up for air and if another wave crashes over you, you still got the air in you and you're solid rock. You keep going up until you're above, give it to God. And sometimes that makes you hurt when you feel and visit that place. And sometimes it might come up again. God promises you the joy of your salvation. Go after it. Healer, join me. Be a joy junkie because the joy of the Lord is your strength and that's what will get you through.

Ann: 52:37

Nikki. Would you mind sharing some of the platforms if someone wants to, follow your story and, see what you're doing, how can they do that? The

Nikki: 52:47

best way to get hold of me is on Facebook. I'm Nick Cruz. Just like that as you itu, ie. And you can message me, you can just drop a note. My Facebook is cruz com, seven or seven ComCom. But as my name says, I'm not a tech wizard because I've only been alive for two years. It's only two years since I got outta my wheelchair. And yeah, or you can message me. 6 0 3, 7, 6 8, 1. Write it down. Grab your pens or watch replay.

Ann: 53:31

There you go. And I'll post the link with your, Facebook page when this podcast, releases so that whoever's listening to this, you can follow Nikki on, Facebook. But go ahead, Nikki. Okay.

Nikki: 53:46

The one place where you'll find me is in my group called Empowered by Joy. Okay. And it is a Facebook group. You do have to apply to go in, but it's free. It's there for you to share joy, learn joy, experience joy, and bloom and joy.

Ann: 54:03

Yes, your joy is contagious. It's beautiful, Nikki. Praise the Lord. Thank God for what he's done in your life, and thank God that you're able to share it, I'm grateful that I've gotten to meet you, Nikki, that you infused joy into my life. So thank you for that. And I know that's the Holy Spirit, but thank you for being a willing vessel. I pray that the Lord would continue to use you, Nikki, to infuse others with joy. To continue to encourage others through your testimony. And again, I will post, the link to your Facebook page so that maybe somebody who's struggling to find joy, can connect with you. To my listeners, thank you all for tuning into this episode. I appreciate all your support. Subscribe on YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram. God bless you. And stay tuned for the next episode of Her Scars. Tell a story