"God Is Doing Something New" with Angelina Benitez

Meet my guest Angelina Benitez.
She is a newly devoted disciple of Jesus Christ, recently married, mom of 6 and a new student.
In today's episode, Angelina talks about her past childhood trauma and abuse. 
She talks about the unhealthy relationships and cycles in her life that came about as a result of unhealed pain and trauma in her life. Today she is serving her community in the non profit sector and is working towards bringing Jesus to the nations. 
Listen to her incredible story of courage and breaking cycles of abuse in Jesus name.
Angelina is very raw and honest about the abuse she experienced and her thoughts of not wanting to continue living the way she was living.
I pray you will be encouraged by her story.

Blessings

Transcript

Ann: 0:10

Hey there, friends. My name is Anne Calvio. And welcome to her Scars. Tell a Story, podcast, a safe space for women from all different walks of life and different backgrounds coming together to share their stories of God's redeeming love. So grab your cup of coffee and journey with us now. Hey there friends. Welcome to her Scars Tell Story podcast. I'm your host, Anne Calvio, and today I'm with a wonderful guest, Angelina Benitez. Welcome

Angelina: 0:52

Angelina. Hi Anne. Thank you for having me.

Ann: 0:55

You are welcome. So tell us a little bit about yourself and your background. So

Angelina: 1:02

I am a mom of four boys, now five boys and a daughter. I recently, was married. So I'm a newlywed still. And I am in non-profit world. That's my, line of work and I am on fire for Jesus.

Ann: 1:20

Yeah, tell us more about

Angelina: 1:21

that. Yes, I can go on all day about that. My, first encounter with Jesus was about six years ago. It wasn't the best situation, but it was my first encounter with him where I heard him, and didn't know what to do with that. Yeah, I heard him and didn't, kind of, didn't know what to do with that. And, you know, was, was lost. So I'll start with, you know, a little bit about my background. I am the oldest of five kids, and my mom was a single mom, and she struggled like many moms, to make ends meet and to support us. I have, I. You know, vague memories of me and my sister not having food and, and eating butter, you know, and not having lights and, you know, having our apartment infested with rats and seeing my mom get beat and those, were the memories that I had. Yeah. I was seven years old, and had been molested by, you know, my mom's best friend. His brother. And, you know, when that happens, you just, you just kinda don't know, right? You're seven years old. You don't know really what that's gonna do to you in the future. You just know something is not right. Yeah. And. Because of that, I, I felt like I always had a, a resentment towards my mom a little bit, and my sister, my baby sister because, during that, Incident. The man told me it was either you or your sister. And so as the big sister, I was like, no, leave her alone. And I, I'm currently writing a book and so I go into, a lot of detail about that night, because I remember it like it happened yesterday. It's one of those things where I never forgot those details and. Um, I don't think that man knew that he was going to just have such an impact on my life. Um, and then fast forward, it happened again with my grandfather. Um, and I was 13 at the time and, you know, didn't have a father. He took off when I was two. And I was like, up until this point, like all the male figures in my life are hurting me. Mm. And I think that's why I, it took me so long to come to Christ and to accept his love for me because I associated him with a man. Mm. And I didn't trust men, didn't trust a man. And um, and then growing up, Seeing my mom get beat by men. It was just like, okay, this is how life is, this is how my life is going to be as well. And as you know, cycles repeat themselves and you know, our families come with these generational curses, and that's all I knew. As a teen, all I wanted to do was be accepted and be loved. And so I was chasing love and I found myself in situations that I had no business being in and, um, you know, just looking for someone to love me and letting people take advantage of me in ways that, they had no business. Yeah. Doing. And, You know, boyfriend after boyfriend and actually not even boyfriends, they were just boys and young men that were just, they saw a vulnerable young woman. Yeah. Um, and then, so I got pregnant with my first son and was in my first real relationship. And it wasn't a good one. Um, and so I was in that relationship for five years and didn't know the Lord. Mm-hmm. You know, I grew up Catholic, but we didn't pray. We didn't have a prayer life. There was none of that. It was you give up meat on Fridays and you go to church on Easter Sunday and yeah. Get the palms. That's kind of how it was. Mm-hmm. No relationship with Christ. Mm-hmm. Um, and then, um, here I am about to be a mom and I'm just like, I don't even know what I'm doing. Like, although I've been the oldest child and helped my mom raise my, my siblings, I still, now, this was my child and I remember crying in the bathroom for an hour. Like, no, I cannot have a baby. Yeah. But I ended up having a baby and, Fast forward to that relationship ending because, I knew it wasn't right for me. And then so I got pregnant with my second son. That wasn't a relationship, that was just, a man who just decided to have his way with me. And, and we, you know, we parted ways. I never saw him. Uh, and I never seen him again after, after that. It wasn't until 14 years later that I seen him again and my son was able to meet him. Here I am a mom of two boys, not knowing what the heck I'm doing. Yeah. I, I didn't have the means I didn't have money. I was looking for help through these social services, um, to provide me with diapers and, things like that. It's one of those things where I'm like, what is my life? What is this? And still looking for something for this hole to be filled, and I got into a relationship with my ex-husband That was such a tough time because I was the most vulnerable I probably had ever been. Hmm. And he prayed on that. And um, and we were together for nine years and it was an abusive relationship in any, in every way. Yeah. Possible. I had these two kids and he wasn't the nicest with them too. And so every time I would. Try to leave. That wasn't happening. I felt like he was a bully and he, uh, preyed on the fact that I was this girl that didn't have any self-esteem. And so during our relationship, he would do terrible things like. Take me to the forest preserve and leave me there at three o'clock in the morning and, um, you know, shoot off his gun and just have me terrified of him. And that was all, to make sure that I was afraid of him. Hmm. And you know, and I was, yeah. And I was, and every time I tried to break up with him and leave that, like I said, that wasn't happening. And he would come back and. People always say like, why don't you leave that situation? It's tough. Yeah. Unless you've been in an abusive relationship, um, and you're not strong. Yeah. You don't have the Lord, you can't just leave. No. It's so hard. Yeah. Right. Um, because you are broken down to the point where you're, you're so broken, and um, you have this person that's just. Not helping and just making sure that you know that you're broken and you're not, you know, you're not gonna go anywhere. And so, we had two kids out of that relationship. Our last year and a half together, his mother had asked if we could get married because she wanted to see us get married before she went'cause she was sick. And, um I didn't want to. Hmm. But at that time I was like, Yeah, let me fulfill her wishes. And so we went and got married. you would think maybe things would've gotten better, but they didn't. Um, it didn't get better. He was an alcoholic and he used drugs and I, I partook in those drugs as well. Um, because I just wanted to feel numb. You know, I would sit there thinking, who could I leave my kids with? I don't wanna be here anymore. Yeah. I don't wanna deal with this. I would stay up late at night just thinking about plans, like, how can I do this the best way? How can I make sure my kids go to my mom or to my aunt where I I never have to deal with this man ever again. Yeah. And so the very last incident, I remember there was a big argument, and of course, because he just felt like arguing that night. He somehow managed to get me to the kitchen because, our doors they had glass on them so my sons could see out of there. He tried to hide it, but years later I found out that he's still, my kids still seen the abuse and he managed to get me to the kitchen and all I, the next thing I know is he has me against the wall and just his hands are around my neck and he's squeezing so tight. And I remember thinking like, that's it. This is it, you know, this is how my life is. Where are my kids gonna go? There was no way I wanted him to raise my children, and he's squeezing so tight. And then when he finally lets go, I drop to the floor and I remember thinking, I'm just so tired. Hmm. I'm just so tired. I'm looking up at him and he's mocking me because I'm trying to catch my breath. I was gonna give up. I was like, I'm just not doing this anymore. I, I'm just, I'm so tired. And then, um, I heard a voice and he said, get up. It's okay. And, um, I didn't, I had to be God at that moment. Mm-hmm. And so I just, I sat up a little bit and I just caught my breath and he walked away. And then the very next day, I don't know where I got the strength from, but the very next day I was like, I'm not staying here anymore. Yeah. And made arrangements. And I had nothing. I didn't have a car, I didn't have a job, I didn't have money. Um, nothing in that apartment was mine, but I grabbed whatever I could while he was at work. Yeah. And left. Hmm. Took my kids outta school and went to my grandmother's house. She opened up her doors for me. She's my angel. And, um, never looked, I didn't look back. Yeah. That was about almost eight years ago. Mm. Um, and I fought and fought to not go back against him because he, to him, I was just gonna come right back. Yeah. He would do the same things and, and I would come back, but no, I, I stood my ground, but I still hadn't found the Lord. Yeah. I still hadn't found the Lord after I left him. I kinda went wild. Like, you know how when you let an animal out of the cage? Yes. It, that's such a bad analogy, but like No, I, I can relate. I can relate. Yeah. I was like, let loose and I didn't know what to do. But I know I still didn't have the love, or I still felt so empty. Yeah. And so I just went out relationship after relationship and hooking up and doing all these things and was so just so lost. I was trying to make ends, me trying to support my kids and. One day, um, I was working at this Italian restaurant. This lady, she had gave me a chance to work there. I hadn't worked in like eight years because I was a stay at home mom. Yeah. And she's like, can you chop an onion? I'm like, of course. And she's like, when can you work? I'm like, anytime. Yeah. And it was a drive, a bus ride.'cause I didn't have a car. It took me like an hour and a half to get to work every day. I would hardly see my kids, but. You know, at least I had some income. Yeah. But I couldn't make it on that income. So, um, a friend of mine was like, there's this big nonprofit, greater Chicago food depository. She was like, they're hiring. And I'm like, I, you are crazy. I could never. Work there. Like, who am I? I never worked there. I have no experience. They were asking for college, like, are you crazy? She's like, just apply. You never know. The position was for like a benefits outreach coordinator. I'm like, what is that? I don't even, I didn't, I went to high school. I graduated high school by the skid of my teeth. Mm-hmm. Um, and I didn't go to college. And so there I go applying for this. Position that I was just like, no way. I'm not gonna get it. Mm. And I remember it was like a week before Christmas, I had gotten the call and they offered me the job. Mm. And I was like, I was so shocked. I was just like, what? Mm. And you know, the salary, I was like, I'm gonna be able to like, support my kids. Like what? And I started working that job. I felt so out of place because here I am Angelita with all these office people and I'm just like, what am I doing here? I don't know why I'm here. And then, so my friend, my best friend, she invited me to church mm-hmm. To new life. Mm-hmm. And she's like, you should come to church with me one day. And I was like, oh, okay. I had never been to like a Christian Church. And so I go and I was just like, wow, this is. This is different. This is different than my Catholic upbringing. Yeah. Typical mass. Like it was very different. Yeah. And so I go there with her and it was in Spanish too. My Spanish was not so good, and so I was like, okay. This is nice, you know? Yeah. And then, um, she was going to like a different location, um, from New Life since there's different locations. And so, the weekend after I was like, I'm gonna go by myself. So I went to New Life midway. Mm-hmm. And as soon as it is such a big church, I'm like, wow, I don't even. This is so outta the ordinary. Like I went through my whole life trying to not be seen as well. Like I tried to hide everything. I tried to, like, I was ashamed of like who I was, you know? Mm-hmm. I felt like people would look at me and see like, you're dirty. You're, you know, there's so much dirt on you, like, So I was just very shy, very like to myself. Yeah. So I go to this church and there's like so many people and people are coming up to me like, hi, welcome. Are you new? And I'm like, yes. And I was just so like, you know, embarrassed. And so I sit all the way in the back and, and the message was, you know, pastor Mark, he like, I felt like he was speaking to me about, Breaking chains and, and things. And I was like, whoa. Yeah. Okay. And, um, that scared me. Yeah. So I stopped going. Um, I stopped going and then I felt like I didn't have nothing anymore that I, I felt like I just didn't know what to do with my life. And there were so many times where I was like, I just. Needs would take the easy way out. I don't wanna be here anymore. Yeah. Something always stopped me, and now I believe it was God. Um, but I went to New Life and then, like I said, I stopped going, but I believe that's when the, the seed was planted. Yeah. I stopped going for a while and then I started going again. Mm-hmm. And I was like, let me try and, and do it the Lord's way. Yeah. Um, and started like taking the first steps classes they have there and, going to church every Sunday. But I wasn't in fellowship, I wasn't, uh, surrounding myself with believers and especially with sisters in Christ. I wasn't doing that either. And then Covid happened. Yeah. And we got isolated even more. Mm-hmm. So then I'm still not completing Christ, I'm still not being obedient. I'm still doing, I'm still sinning. Mm-hmm. I'm still doing all of these things. And, um, my son's father, who, my son Angel, he's four, he's, uh, 17 now, but he was 14 at the time and His father resurfaced, and this was the man that I had a one night stand with, and he. Resurfaced and was like, I, I would love to meet my son. And I was just like, whoa, I didn't, this is wow. Like, I never thought I'd see you again. And so he came back into our lives and, and me and him decided to be in a relationship. Mm-hmm. Um, which was not, had no business doing that. He was mentally unstable and, and I was still emotionally unstable and just unstable, period. Yeah. Um, but we decided to be in a, to get into a relationship and to try this out. And he. Also was a drinker. He was also a drug user. And so there I go. Yeah. You know, because I was such a people pleaser and put my partner, whoever I was with at the top. And so I just, I didn't want him to ever be mad at me. I didn't want him to like break up with me.'cause I felt like my life was gonna end. And so there I go, like partaking in that drug with him and I hated it. Yeah. And every time he wanted to do it, I was like, I would try to tell him out of it. And no, there was no talking him out of it. And so that means that, you know, so there we go. Mm-hmm. You know,'cause I didn't want him to think that I was just not the cool girlfriend. And, you know, he would get upset. He would get upset if I didn't do it with him. So, yeah, we just, there we go. You know? So a year of that. Yeah, a year of that. So I, I went all the way back backward. Yeah. And, He ended up leaving. And that was a blessing in disguise at that time. I was just like, how could you do this to us? Mm-hmm. But it was a blessing. Yeah. It was a blessing for sure. I decided to finally one day move out of my grandma's house. Mm-hmm.'cause the environment wasn't the bus either. So I was like, it's time for me and my boys to be on our own. Yeah. I'm making enough money now. It's time for us to be on our own. And we found the perfect apartment and I was petrified'cause I'm like, this is my first apartment with my boys by ourselves. And we moved in and we had nothing. Hmm. I was, I remember the night before. My brother-in-law was helping me move. And he goes, okay, right. That sister-in-law's fine. What else do you have? And I'm like, that's, that's it. And he looked at me like he wanted to cry. And I'm like, no, that's it. And then it hit me and I text my mom. I'm like, mom, what am I doing? I don't have anything. I'm moving into an empty apartment. Like, what am I doing? And she's like, Mija, when it was me and you, it was literally just a mattress in your crib. That's all we had. Yeah. And so she provided me some that was, you know, that was like some comfort at that moment. And so I'm like, okay, you know what? You're right. At least we'll be free, we'll be in our own place. Yeah. And we moved in and yeah, there was nothing, we had just our clothes and my kids' bed and so we slept on mattresses in the living room for months and we had no refrigerator, no stove, and um, no table, no nothing. And um, mm-hmm. But we made it work, right? Yeah. Now I know the Lord made a way. And, um, we're like that for a little bit and then little by little I started being able to make our apartment into a home for us. And it was our safe space for once. Yeah. I felt safe in my own place but then, the enemy comes in and, depression starts kicking in and the feeling of loneliness starts kicking in and me wanting more and, and every time the kids went away for the weekend, I would cry and then I started drinking every day and smoking here and there, and I'm just like, not having the Lord, not praying. Yeah. Not reading the Bible and not going to church. So then I get into this relationship from social media and do that thing. And he was, it was very toxic, this relationship and abusive, not physically, but in and all the other ways and, This man had me in the same spot that I was with my ex-husband, and I was like, how did I get here again? Hmm. Yeah. I remember calling my friend, she lives in New York, she's my best friend, and I called her and I said, how did I get here? Hmm. Like I'm so desperate. I had worked so hard to save money for us, for me and my kids. I had about$8,000 in the bank. I had never had that much money in the bank. Yeah. And by the time this relationship ended, I had zero. I was negative. Hmm. And when I finally got him outta my home, I was completely broken. I was completely done. I said, Lord, I. I'm done doing it my way, like I am finished. I give it all to you. I'm not doing it my way no more. Okay. I get it. I get it. You can stop now like I get it. And, I got this tattoo on me this one is my favorite verse that has gotten me through because that man also I still had fear in me. And so because of my prior relationships. Yeah. And so he knew that and he fed on that. He still had me scared, he would threaten me and. I'm gonna be at your door and I'm doing this. he would threaten to take my life and my children's life. And so I was still afraid. And so one day I was at work and I heard like, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Hmm. And I was like, what? It stood out to me and I was like, why am I so afraid of this man is he, you know, more powerful than our God? I remember I had gotten that tattooed on me because that had really gotten me through that season. When I finally surrendered to the Lord, He isolated me for about a year and a half. Yeah. He worked on me. When I say he worked on me, he worked on me. He revealed things that needed to change, that I needed to deal with. And I started inserting myself in every kind of group. Mm-hmm. Bible study. Yeah. And, women's groups and I wanted more. I started reading the Bible, which is what I hadn't done before. Okay. And just reading. And reading. And I was so hungry and I just wanted more. I was just like, wow. Like I was starting to be happy. Then my job it was kind of changing and so it was kind of becoming toxic, and so mm-hmm. I decided to apply for another job. Mm-hmm. That was way out of my league. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, Lord, if it's meant it's already mine. Mm. And applied and I got that job. Mm-hmm. And the only explanation is that it's God. Yeah. Because this job that I have in, in a non-profit world and non-profit management, and I'm like, mm-hmm. How did I get here? Like, you know, my mentor now she tells me I'm one of God's favorites. Mm-hmm. She hears my testimony. Mm-hmm. I'm able to provide for my children. And not only that, I'm able to be a blessing to others. Yeah. You know, I, I'm able to bless others and that's, that's, that's like mm-hmm. That's when it hit me. Like that's why he gives me all this. Right. That's so I can be a blessing to others. And so, yeah. Um, this work I have is just like, I saw once I really was. Going hard for God and for Jesus. Like all these blessings started coming. Yeah. And I get so overwhelmed sometimes because I can't believe that he loves me so much. Yeah. To go from hearing like you are to hearing everything, right? You're worthless and no one ever is gonna love you, and you're ugly and you're fat, and you're this and you're that and just being stomped to the ground and letting that, and all of the situations in my childhood just take over my life like that literally took over my life. I let. Like my father, who I never knew. I let him take up so much of my life and just obsessed over the fact that I didn't have a father. I didn't have a father. I didn't have a father. And then one day I was like, I did have a father this whole time and I was just rejecting him and you know, and just seeing, sorry, and just accepting his grace and his love has been probably, The hardest it has been to just understand like how much he loves me and what he's done for me. Mm-hmm. So he worked on me that whole year and a half and. And I was just like, wow, I'm really happy. Yeah, really happy in my life and like I wouldn't change anything as far as what I have and what I'm doing. I love my job and you know, my job, what we do is we provide items to children. I. Families that are living in low income situations with essentials. And that's the services that I needed before. So the fact that like now I get to be on this side of service, the fact that my kids get to see me thriving, it's such a blessing. Yeah. You know, and so one day I was like, Lord, you know my heart. Mm-hmm. You know that I want a Kingdom partner. Mm-hmm. You know what kind of man I want in my life. I want a man of God. Yeah. I want a man that's gonna pray with me, that's gonna pray for me. A man that's going to go to you when we have difficulties, right? Yeah. That we keep you out at the center. Like that's what I want. And I was like, but if that's not for me, then that's okay. Yeah. I'm perfectly happy. Yeah. If you bring'em to me, great. If you don't, that's great too. Yeah. And one day outta nowhere, he brought'em to me. Mm. And. It's so funny how God works because, yeah, because my husband, I can, he's my husband now. He is probably somebody that I wouldn't have like pursued, he has definitely. I always ask God for patience and he send me and my husband. Yeah. And, um, I tried to push him away at the beginning because I wasn't used to that kind of man. Mm. I wasn't used to the way he would treat me, and I was like a little bit of me. I was like, no, a little bit. There was a little bit of fear there and like, no, is he gonna be like everyone else? And so, no. He was consistent I'll tell you what did it for me, and I told him this last night as we talked. I'm like, you know what? It was my spirit was safe with you. Hmm. Like, not only do I know you'll beat someone up for me. Mm-hmm. Right. But my spirit, my Angelina, feels safe with you. That had never happened. You know, I had never felt safe with a man. I remember living with my grandmother and my uncle would live there and I would never feel safe with him. I didn't feel safe around men. Yeah. And um, you know, the fact that I felt safe with him, like, he is never gonna hurt me in that way. Yeah. In any way. Mm-hmm. And he has brought me this man of God. And I feel like that was the last piece of my puzzle. Hmm. We are on fire for Jesus together and, um, yeah. He's patient and he is so supportive. Um, and he treats me like I'm just this little like, Delicate flower. Um, and I'm not used to that. Yeah. And it's still taking me time to, to be like, I deserve that. Like, I'm the child of a king. Like I am the daughter of the most high. I deserve that. You know, and I have that now. Yeah. So he took me to this church, Uhhuh and, uh, I had never been to a church like this. They're very bold uhhuh and are they believe in creating disciples and are really helping me with my boldness and yeah. You know, I, so I was baptized last month and because, um, although when I went to New Life, I had gotten, I took it that step of baptism, uhhuh, but. After that, I still didn't know what I was doing. Okay. And still being in sin still, you know, not being obedient. So I felt like this was like renewing my vows to Jesus and telling him this is my recommitment to you. And it was such a beautiful experience. And being out there evangelizing and telling people how much God loves them and what he did for us. Because people need to hear it. Yeah. Right? Yes. Like people need to hear. The goodness of our God. Yes, God. And what he can do and what he can deliver you from. Mm-hmm. And if my testimony can give them is hope. Yeah. That nothing is forever. And if you just surrender to him. Yeah. Right. And not just read prayers online and. Listen to sermons, right? Yeah. That doesn't do it. Because if that did it, then I would've done it for me a long time ago. Yeah. That doesn't do it. You have to really surrender and you have to really give him your all. I have given him, my children, my relationship, my family, my work. I have given all of that to him. Yeah. To do with it what he wants. Right. And once I started being obedient, that's when things change. That's when. We allow him to, to break those chains, right? Yeah. To, to break those generational curses. And that's what I want people to understand and for women to see that no matter how broken you feel, and no matter how worthless you feel, you are not, you are loved and God can restore you and fix your heart. Yeah. He is so good. Yeah. And we take for granted what he can do in our lives. We take, we, we underestimate Yeah. What he can do in our, in our lives. Yeah. I used to walk around thinking he would never forgive me for the things that I've done in my life. And I was like, how can you, you're never gonna forgive me for. You know, my ex-husband would throw things at me like, well, God doesn't like divorce and mm-hmm. You know, that's the stuff that he would throw at me from the Bible. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Not anything else. Like, husbands love your wives or Yeah. Or anything like that. Right. Cause my ex-husband, and he cheated on me. He's done the worst, all the worst, all the things that mm-hmm. He, that God says don't do. Yeah. Right. But he did. But he would throw all that, all that at me. And I remember my pastor saying, yes, God doesn't like divorce, but God also doesn't want his daughter to be treated. Yeah. This way. Yes. Then I had made peace with that. Like, okay, he does forgive me. And I think, yes, I struggled with unforgiveness. I struggled with him, with me believing he forgive me, forgave me because I wasn't truly having faith. Yeah, I was, I was still, my faith was still growing, so I was like, does he forgive me? Mm-hmm. Like, will he forgive me for this that I did and for that happened but now I know he does. Yeah. You know, he, he does forgive me. He paid the price for us. Right. It's. By his grace that we can have this life and he wants to bless us. I tell people all the time, like, do you know how much he wants to bless you? I feel like now my life, there's so many things that have happened that I'm like, it all makes sense. Everything that's ever happened in my life, I would do it all over again. And people say I'm crazy, but I would do it all over again because it brought me here to this point. I don't know what, who I would be if it wasn't for those things like that has shaped me into the Angelina that I am. Right. And I would do it all over again because I know there was a purpose and he turned that pain into Good. Yeah. And now I'm able to talk about getting out of a domestic violence situation, how to deal with molestation. Mm. How do you deal with being in a home? That, you didn't have a father. I know I can talk to people about those things. Yeah. How to break away from drug use, from self harm, from depression. I can speak about those things, right? Yeah. So there's a purpose for everything and I heard a sister say one time, don't waste your pain. Mm. What do we do? What are we doing with the things that we've gone through? Yeah. What are we using it for? Are we just swallowing it? Are we just being. We just like feeling sorry for ourselves or do we take that pain? Right. We take that experience and we use it for good. We use it for his kingdom. Yeah. Right. He's been so, so good to me. And so I'm actually starting Bible college in a few weeks. On the 28th I'll be starting Bible college and congratulations. Thank you. I told my grandmother, I was like, grandma would you ever have thought that I would be. Going to Bible college. She's like, no, but I always know you would do great things. Yeah. And now I'll be getting my bachelor's in biblical studies and yeah. I don't know where that's gonna lead, but yeah. Wherever the Lord wants me, maybe he just wants me to learn more of his word. I'm just gonna be obedient. Yeah. Because when I. Heard the call of that. I was like, really? You want me to go to school, to bible college? I was like, okay. And then, this school is amazing. They're offering free tuition, but there's a process that goes with that, right?'cause they wanna make sure you're a good fit. There was a process and there was referrals and, and testimonies and essays. And I was like, whew. Yeah, okay Lord. And then I started getting a little impatient and I was like, Nope. You know? Yeah. If it's your will, if this is your will for me, then okay. Yeah. And then, um, the day my husband and I decided to get married, Uhhuh, the very next day I got the call saying, you've been accepted. Oh, it's a legacy ministry. And I was like, what? And, but then I was like, it's the Lord. But then the enemy came in and was like, what are you doing? You're not gonna, are you kidding me? And then I was like, I had to rebuke that thought Yes. Right away, because if God, Made a way and opened that door for me. Yes. He's going to make a way and help me get through it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you know, I had put this on my Facebook post the other day, my spiritual mom from my church, she had said she hugged me. Mm-hmm. And she was like, new disciple of Christ, new wife, new students. And I was just like, wow. Like the Lord is working in my life and. On the day we got married, my husband and I, uh, I had went to Lollapalooza to do outreach. Yeah. And my husband, everybody laughs at it'cause they're like, oh, what'd you guys do afterwards? And he was like, well, she went to go, uh, preach, evangelize. I was like, I have to. He made this possible, like he made this union he has blessed us with, with each other that like, this is the least I can do is go. Yeah. At t Lollapalooza where there are so many lost souls and speak about Jesus and, and his goodness. Right? That's the least that we can do. And so, um, I'm not afraid anymore to evangelize. I used to be like, I don't know what I'm saying. Yeah. But the Holy Spirit has really, I. He really gives you Yeah. What the words to say. Yeah. And, and, and I, once I got on that mic, I just started speaking and speaking and even quoting scripture and I was like, wait a minute. Holy Spirit, okay, I see you. And it was so amazing. And I took my husband right away. I'm like, babe, I was out here on the mic and I was over here. I was preaching and I was quoting scripture. And he was like, what? That's amazing. If you would've told that seven year old girl that this is what I would be doing right now, uh, she would be like, you are nuts right there. There's no way. Yeah, there's no way. And I owe it all to God. Like he has had his hand on me the whole time because he has brought me out of situations that I had no business being in from a very young age. Yeah. And, and he has brought me here now, and now everything that I do, I wanna give him glory. You know? It's so crazy to think like, Anything I eat or anything I drink, I'm like, I wanna do it for the glory of God, you know? Yeah. I've also, I've been on a weight loss journey. I've lost 130 pounds and so, yay. You know, it's Congratulations. Thank you. That's huge. It's a struggle, right? Yep. He does it for us. He helps us, and I pray every day that. He helps me nourish my body the way that it's, that he met. Right? Yeah. And that he gives us the ability to, gives me the ability to keep jumping around and, and dance around the way I, the way I want to.'cause I, I couldn't before. Yeah. And, um, you know, he's just, he's done so much, he's done so much for me that I can't help but live my life for him. Yeah. Like he's my number one and that's what was missing my whole life. Yeah. That's what was missing my whole life. And like now my puzzle is complete and, um, I'm just gonna keep on thriving and keep on doing things for his kingdom. Yeah. And see where he takes me. You know? Um, I hope that, and pray that all my kids. I have an encounter with him. Yeah. You know, I, I pray for my children so hard. Um, you know, my two, the two oldest, uh, Israel and Isaiah Israel is gonna be 18 and Isaiah is gonna be 19. Yeah. And I pray that they are the men of God, that God wants'em to be, you know, he has a purpose for their lives because they have struggled as well. Yeah. I just, wanna lead it by example too. Yeah. My kids have seen me so broken. Mm-hmm. When I'm no longer here, I want them to say, like, my mom was praying all the time. Yeah. And every time that door closed, we knew she was praying for us. And she was always reading the Bible and teaching us things of the Bible. And I pray that now they can, they're in a home. Where they can see what a marriage is supposed to be. Yeah. How a husband is supposed to treat his wife. My oldest son told my husband, I've never seen my mom this. Happy and all praise in glory goes to God. You know?'cause he made that happen. Yeah. You know, and yeah. I just, I wanna just continue to live for him. Yeah. I know he's gonna continue to open doors for me.

Ann: 39:42

Mm-hmm. Angie, Angelina, my daughter's name is Angelina. They call her Angie. I love that.

Angelina: 39:49

Um, I just, I love your story. Um, just so much.

Ann: 39:56

Just all of it. All of it. You see how the

Angelina: 39:59

Lord has been with you, even with that little seven year old girl, you know. He was there and

Ann: 40:12

what he's been doing in your life.

Angelina: 40:15

His grace is so evident, right.

Ann: 40:19

We don't deserve it. We don't, we don't deserve it. But he gives it to us because of who he is. Mm-hmm. Because of his love, his immense love

Angelina: 40:31

for us. We can't even

Ann: 40:33

begin to wrap our minds around his love. We can't. We can't. We can't. And I love

Angelina: 40:41

that on your wedding day,

Ann: 40:45

you said, I'm gonna marry this man that God put in my life,

Angelina: 40:50

but now I gotta tell others about Jesus. Because

Ann: 40:54

if it wasn't for

Angelina: 40:55

Jesus, none of this, none of it would be. And

Ann: 40:59

they love that. You had the boldness on that day to go to a place where,

Angelina: 41:06

you know there'd be a, a, a

Ann: 41:10

swarm of lost

Angelina: 41:12

souls. Mm-hmm. Right? Yes. And there you went.

Ann: 41:17

And the Holy Spirit is speaking through you and sharing the word of God, the love of God. Yes. The love that met you, the love that changed you and transformed you. And that's, that's what our testimony does, right? Yes. It testifies of the God. Who not only

Angelina: 41:39

brings the dead to life. Yes. Amen. But he redeems our story. Yes, he does. He redeems our story. He sanctifies us. He, he

Ann: 41:51

adopts us. He redeems us. He does all of that right? Jesus God, through the blood of Jesus Christ. Where we can now say to someone else, listen. Listen, Jesus loves you. Yes. You may not see it, you may not feel him, but he loves you. Right? Because it's, it's not something that we see and at times we don't feel it. But you know that, you know that void in your heart was meant for him. That's who belongs there. Yes. And then he transforms us

Angelina: 42:29

and

Ann: 42:29

then, He just begins to bless us in ways that we're like, Lord, I don't deserve this, but

Angelina: 42:35

I'll take it. Exactly. Like I won't Exactly.

Ann: 42:39

I won't say no, I won't say no to you. I've said no to you long enough. Right. But I'm, I'm gonna say yes to you, Lord. Yes. And I'm gonna surrender to you and I, I see that all throughout your life that God was pursuing you. You know, even though you weren't ready for it and you are like, nah, not yet. No, I don't want nothing to do with you. He was pursuing you. He, he loves you that much. Yes. And, and to even, like you said, to put you at a place. You're serving a community of families that were just like you, where you came from, right? Yes. Not having the essentials, not living in a place that was, um, you know, fully furnished. Right Now, you're able right to, to minister to families like this by providing, serving and, and just being there for them. Right? Yes. It's such a

Angelina: 43:38

beautiful. It's such a beautiful feeling. My husband, my husband tells me, um, you know, I'm going to school. I'm going to all this school to get my, my bachelor's to be where you're at. He's like, and you didn't touch college? And I'm like, no, it's God. He and I tell my kids like, that's, there's no other explanation other than. He put me there. Yeah. And I pray every day like, Lord, you put me here, so give me the wisdom. Yeah. To do my job right. Yeah. And that I do my job, that I'm the light. Right. And my biggest prayer is that I am a light wherever I go, and that people see Jesus through me. Yes. Right. That they, that they, that I'm not just the woman that is on social media, just Oh yeah, Jesus is good. No, that my life is a testimony of. Of what that looks like. What is, because Christian life is not easy. People think, okay, you're a Christian, you believe in God. Everything. No. If anything, we get it and the closer we get to God, the more the enemy attacks. Yes. Right. People are telling me like, your marriage be prepared. Yeah. Because the enemy does not like marriage and he doesn't like Christian marriages. Yeah, right. Doesn't like godly marriages. And so we get attacked. Yeah. And so that's when it's important for us to. Read the Bible and be armored, right? Yes. So that we can rebuke the enemy and just not let that affect us. Christian life is hard. So I don't wanna just be another woman that's like, oh yeah, I'm a Christian, I'm a believer. No, I want my life to show that I follow Christ. I live for Jesus. Yeah. And that all I do is for him because I'm grateful.'cause I don't, I don't deserve any of this. Yeah. I don't deserve any of this. But he loves me so much. That he's given it to me. Mm-hmm. And he keeps on giving. And I am not the Angelina. I don't even recognize this person.

Ann: 45:28

Mm. And that's the joy of the Lord, right? Yes. The joy of the Lord. There comes a time where God has brought you through so much, and I'm speaking from experience. God has brought you through so much. In your personal walk, in your marriage with your family, that when I look back on every test, every trial, every challenge that has forged me. To the woman I am now. Yes. And it's still forging me. Yes. He's not done with me yet at all. Where that, where that clay Right. That's still being formed and shaped where that piece of gold in the fire, where the impurities are still coming off, right? Yes. Where a work in progress and God is constantly, constantly working in us and through us. Where now,

Angelina: 46:29

The

Ann: 46:29

scars that I have. Right. The tattoo that you have, the scars that we carry in us and, and, and on us. Right. They're to say to others, look what Jesus can do. Yes. Look, look how he's healing me.

Angelina: 46:43

Yes. Look how he's healed

Ann: 46:44

me. Yes. You know? And he, and he's still, he's still working in us, right? Yes. And that's the beauty of our Lord, is that he continues. To work in US and through us, through his Holy Spirit. Yes. Right. The work of the Holy Spirit. Our helper, our advocate, our helper. Yes. He sanctifies us. You know, he, he's working in us. He empowers us. He enables us, yes. To do what we can't do on our own strength. So your new season of life, I, I pray that God continue to bless you there, that you'll continue to, whatever the Lord tells you to do with that college, degree that you follow his leading, that you follow his guidance. Um, your marriage. I pray for blessing over that marriage. I pray that God would use you and your husband to minister to couples, to families, to youth, whoever it is that God puts in your path, right? Amen. Yes. Because he's the one who redeems our story.

Angelina: 47:45

Amen. And then he uses it for his glory. Amen. Me a long time to realize that. Like, wait a minute. One day it hit me like, wait. All of this is for his glory. Yeah. So he can say, so we can say, look what Jesus did. Yes. I didn't do this. Yeah. Jesus did this. Yes. And so it took me, yes he did. It's, it is, uh, he's so good. We're still grasping it. We're still, it's such an overwhelming feeling. My husband makes fun of me because I'm always crying and it's not because I'm sad. Yeah. It's'cause I'm just so overwhelmed. Yes. Sometimes I can relate. It's such a beautiful feeling. I'm just like, wow, you are so good. Yeah. Look

Ann: 48:22

where I'm at. Yeah. His love is overwhelming. Yes. His love is, it's just so beautiful. It's it beautiful that they, we can't even put words

Angelina: 48:33

to identify

Ann: 48:34

the

Angelina: 48:35

love of God. You can't. No.

Ann: 48:37

It's just, it, it's, it's something that, He bestows upon us and we get to live in it. We get to, we get to see and feel and live in his love. Yes.

Angelina: 48:50

Um, that he pours through his Holy Spirit. Yes. Right? Yes. Yes, man. He, he's

Ann: 48:54

so good. I can go

Angelina: 48:55

on and on about the love of God. I was telling you, I can go on forever when I'm talking about Jesus because, Yes, me too.

Ann: 49:02

Well, glory to God. So, one last question, mm-hmm. For our listeners, you know, women that can relate to you, women that have, a testimony, a story like yours, what are some words of encouragement that you'd

Angelina: 49:16

like to leave them with? Oh, I just, I want them to know, and I say to you, if you are listening and. And you're struggling and you're in a situation where you, you feel like you can't get out of, or maybe you're out of the situation and now you're like, okay, how do I heal from this? I'm gonna tell you the same thing I tell everyone is that Jesus is the way, let him work in you. Let him heal you because there is no doctor and there is no one that is going to help you heal. He is our doctor. He is the only, he's the way, the truth and the life and, and he's going to work in you and do a work in you that is going to heal you and he's gonna break chains and is gonna free you from bondages and. Love you. So I, I pray that if you're listening, that you see that no situation is forever. And he would never, the Lord would never put you in a situation that he cannot deliver you from or get you out of. Right? So pray and pray hard, and he, he knows your, he knows your heart, um, and give it all to him. I promise you when you do that, you'll see the changes. You will see the blessings, and you will see his good work. Hmm.

Ann: 50:42

Before we wrap this up, Angelina, can you tell us where, you know, I know you have a couple platforms, I know that you do some community work. Mm-hmm. Um, would you like

Angelina: 50:52

to share a little bit about that? Yeah. So my, my journey, um, I am dedicated to helping, um, women and just people in general live healthier lives with God at the center. Right. What does the Bible say about. A healthy lifestyle. And so, um, helping women just, and people in general just feel good. Right. I'm an advocate for movement and so I teach Zumba. Um, summer will be over soon, so I'll be teaching on social media. They can follow me on, on some platforms. Okay. Um, where they can take, uh, free Zumba classes live. Everybody loves Zumba. Yeah. Um, I just believe in, making healthier food choices And movement. Right. And nourishing our bodies the way that God meant. Yeah. You know, everything we put in our mouth that we give glory to him for, you know, that we honor him through our food, through our drinks, through our, through our active lifestyle. Yeah. Um,

Ann: 51:44

so is that Facebook and

Angelina: 51:45

Instagram, Snapchat? So, yes. So you can find me at Instagram at Angie Smiles again. Mm-hmm. and TikTok is blessed and highly favored because I. Believe I'm truly favored. Mm-hmm. Uh, from the Lord. You can find me on, Facebook as well as Angelina Benitas. Um, but yeah, that's where you can find

Ann: 52:04

me. Mm-hmm. Thank you Angelina. So I look forward to. Possibly joining the, zoom. Um, what is it? Is it Zoom or It

Angelina: 52:13

will be, uh, live.

Ann: 52:14

It'll be live. It'll be live. Okay. Okay. Live classes. I, I love that idea of Zumba

Angelina: 52:18

live. So, and if we can get enough, uh, women, we can do Zoom and have scheduled classes. That's my hope as well. Okay. All right. Well, Ladies, you heard it

Ann: 52:27

here. Oh, you know, gentlemen, whoever wants to get fit healthy Angelina is definitely helping the community in this way by, um, having Christ at the center of it all. And that's what it's about. That's what it's about and everything. Having Christ in the center of it all. Amen. So I just wanna thank everyone for tuning in, to this episode of Her Scars. Tell a Story. Angelina, thank you for

Angelina: 52:54

being my guest. Today. Thank you so much for having me. You're so welcome.

Ann: 52:59

So go ahead guys and subscribe to my YouTube channel and listen to this next episode of Her

Angelina: 53:07

Scars. Tell a story