The Road to Healing and Recovery with Nelly Nat

Meet my guest Nelly.
Nelly committed her life to the Lord on April 8, 2012, after living her life  as a teen addict. She suffered the great loss of her ex-boyfriend in 2011 who died, due to a drunk driver. God started to heal her heart but she found herself falling back into old patterns after her separation in 2016  and final divorce in 2017. Nelly later met a man and was involved in a domestic violent relationship with him. She broke free from this relationship in 2020. God has then helped her heal. And has called her to pray for women  and help woman find the courage to begin to heal and walk away from domestic violent situations. She currently works as an addiction counselor. She serves as an alter prayer partner, bringing hope through the word of God to those who are lost and in need of hope. 
Nelly shares the steps which helped her to walk in freedom from addiction.
I pray her story will bless you!

Transcript

Ann: 0:08

Hey there, friends. My name is Anne Calvio. And welcome to her Scars. Tell a Story, podcast, a safe space for women from all different walks of life and different backgrounds coming together to share their stories of God's redeeming love. So grab your cup of coffee and journey with us now. Hey there friends. Welcome to her Scars. Tell a Story podcast. I'm your host, Anne Calvio, and today I'm with my special guest. Her name is Nelly. Natalie, welcome. Thank

Nelly: 0:51

you. Thank you, Anne.

Ann: 0:53

I'm so excited for you all to hear her story. I've known her for some time now and we lost touch, but We just kinda reconnected. I saw you playing softball, right? Yes. Just recently. Um, she plays on the, the New Life women's softball team. My daughter does too. And so, uh, when I had seen her I was like, wow, you know, you can see that God's been just doing something so beautiful in your life. And I had, um, invited her to be a guest on the podcast. Right, right. I said, well, she's like, well, I said pray about it. Pray about it, and then let me know. And so she's here today. Yes.

Nelly: 1:36

I praise God.

Ann: 1:37

Yes. Yes. So, let us know a little bit about yourself, Natalie. Yes.

Nelly: 1:42

Yeah. I'm Natalie. I go by Nelly. most of you guys know me by Nelly. Well, I've been knowing the Lord since 2012. And actually, it's, uh, it's a funny story. Mm-hmm. Because, in 2012, well, 2011, I had suffered a loss, to my ex-boyfriend. He had passed away, actually in August, 2011. And, During that time, it was very hard for me to kind of cope with. Prior to him passing away, I had struggled with addiction. Mm-hmm. I, started doing heroin at a very young age, at, 13 years old. Um, if I'm not mistaken, I then later on, continue with cocaine. And cocaine really, took place of, uh, one addiction. Yeah, so when my boyfriend passed away, um, I was still kind of struggling with addiction and, in that time, I remember when like two months after he passed away, I had relapsed again on heroin. And thank god it was only one time though. I don't think. My family even knows that, that I relapsed, uh, around that time. I think they just thought I was, you know, partying and stuff like that. But I remember the week after he passed away, I lived right in front of New Life C Israel. if I'm not mistaken, new Life, Cicero, their address is 3,600 or 36 0 1. Mm-hmm. And then my address was 3,600. It was either, either New Life, Cicero is oh one and then mine was a hundred or vice versa. Yeah. So I lived right in front of you, new Life, Cicero. And I remember, just walking over there and ringing the doorbell. And I remember this woman, answer the door and, I was crying and I told her like, Hey, I just wanna talk. And I remember her listening to me cry for almost three hours. That poor thing. Um hmm. And she had recommended, uh, for me to go to Celebrate Recovery. Where later on I met, a beautiful, woman who is also part of New Life's Israel. And I remember going that, that Friday, I think it was a Friday, and I attended and I was hearing about Celebrate Recovery. I was like, what is this? Mm-hmm. You know, um, I don't know what it is, but they were talking about like drugs and, and hangups, which I was like, what is a hangup? Mm-hmm. I don't know what that is. So. I just remember, you know, kind of going to these, uh, to these meetings. I would come in and out though. Mm-hmm. But one thing that I always remember, these two women, they would always park by my side of my house. And I remember I used to always get mad because, these church goers would take my parking spot. Oh no.

Ann: 4:46

Yes. You don't take people's

Nelly: 4:48

parking spot, right? Yes. Yeah, because, um, my house, like I said, it's right in front of Cicero. New Life Cicero. So that one specific parking was intended for me, but, but we're not gonna go there. Yeah. Right. So I remember I would always get mad. I would always get bothered. But like I said, there were these two women that would always kind of park on the side, and I remember that, well, they already knew me. They kinda already knew me from seeing me around, but I still wasn't going to church. I still wasn't going to church. They would see me, you know, getting high drinking and in my yard because my yard was open. And there was a few times that I was like, kind of trying to hide in. They're like, hi sister, how are you? I was like, I'm okay trying to hide. you know, my stuff there. Mm-hmm. But it was amazing how they treated me because they never judged me. And I think that's what really brought me to, you know, wanting to go and see like, Hey, why are these ladies treating me so well, you know, So fast forward, April 8th, 2012. It was Easter Sunday. I woke up that morning and man, I must have woken up with the Holy Ghost because I said to my younger sisters, I'm like, we're going to church. We're going to church. What? I was like, yeah, we don't go to church. I'm like, I know we're going today, so get ready. My mom. I still remember that day, like it was yesterday.'cause like I said, I was with my sisters, but my mom was, doing like, aventa, like selling things at, somewhere. So she just wasn't there. But I remember getting ready. My sisters got ready, we walked over.'cause I mean, I lived across the street and I remember, it was Easter Sunday. Of course, they, you know, they had a play, but also they had a baptism. And I remember, this gentleman's, baptism in particular, and he shared his testimony and he shared how God delivered him from addiction. And when I heard that, God just moved in my life that day, and I walked up there with my two sisters and, it was the most amazing thing. And I remember that lady that opened that door. Her name is Ellie, Ellie, Ari. And, she prayed for me that day and she led me, you know, to accept Christ. And after that day, I, I didn't go back. I, I didn't go back to my life, of addiction. And I've been sober for 11 years. And. It was a struggle though. It was, definitely a struggle. I didn't call Ellie, but I called Catalina, who also was the one that was in charge of, uh, celebrate Recovery at that time, not in charge. She led, the portion of the women's when we break through. So I called her to thank her as well because, I just feel like, God has really moved in me in many areas and they, they both were a big part of my walk and, and we were laughing because, because I struggled. I struggled. They struggled with me and I know they wanted the best for me, and yeah, and I'm sure she wanted to shake me sometimes. but, praise God that, you know. Even through the midst of that pain and that hurt. They stood by me and they, you know, they encouraged me and that they're still there for me. You know, I know that I can count on, on these beautiful, godly women that, that really spoke to me in that time of need. I remember like in, 20 20 13, Catalina had encouraged me to go to a faith-based, recovery home, teen challenge. Mm-hmm. And I went to a teen challenge. And I stood there and, I grew more in my faith. And I thank God that I did that because I felt like I needed those first two years of my recovery. Mm-hmm. to learn about God and how God can heal me. And again, I, I was very, I was 19, you know, so I was still young and, and still, you know, wanting to do my own will and, and do what I wanted to do. But God like was transforming me. I had to heal that, that loss of my ex-boyfriend. And, and I felt like I did that at Team Challenge because, you know, he was a great guy. He really was. And, you know, again, even though it was a very toxic relationship and, I. In, in both of our parts, you know, and, and I know I played a lot, in that area. But God healed me through that., God allowed me to, you know, to walk through that stronger. And it's amazing where God has taken me through that process. So, I ended up coming back home'cause like I said, teen Challenge was, or I don't know if I said it was in Texas. Mm-hmm. So I came back home and I had decided that I wanted to leave New Life C Israel. I ended up going to another church. a more, I, I don't like saying Hispanic church, but mm-hmm. It was a Hispanic church, Uhhuh. Mm-hmm. it was a Spanish, service. Okay. Okay. Really that's what it was. Okay. And there I could continued to learn more and grow And there I met my ex-husband. Before I met my ex-husband let me just share a little bit about what I was doing there. I was serving, with the youth. I was teaching dance. I, which god, you know, helped me through that as well, like how to heal, with the, with the dancing, with the praising, you know, how to praise God through that. So again,, I'm still like 20, 21, I think. I don't know., I am really bad with, timeline. I only know specifics on, you know, but, I met my, my ex-husband, he was part of the worship team, and, we connected really well because he was part of the worship team and I was part of the, you know, the dance ministry and, I won't get into our marriage. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like, God, healed me through that. Mm-hmm. What I would like to more so focus on is what happened after my divorce. And like I said, you know, really that was my first, Christian relationship. Mm-hmm. Obviously my first and only marriage. When we divorced, I started feeling loss of hope. I started feeling a lot of, things that the enemy puts in our hearts. To distract us and to discourage us. And, I remember that I was mad. Mm-hmm. I was mad because, of everything that we went through and, and I wanted to get back at him. Mm-hmm. I remember I wanted to get back at him because he's the one that asked me for divorce. I wanted to get back and I started doing ungodly things. I started, to go out. And even though I wasn't doing drugs, it wasn't the drugs, it was more so, the behaviors, Hmm. The shortcomings, the, you know, those character defects. Hmm. Um, that started kind of popping back up. Hmm. And I started, to jump from, you know, just meeting random guys. well, not random. I knew them from work. Mm-hmm. So at this point, we are already living in separate homes. Mm. And, you know, I was inviting, guys over my house and, you know, just again, doing things that I'm not supposed to be doing. And even though I never told my ex-husband about it, but I felt like that was me getting back at him, you know? And I'm sure he didn't care though. Mm-hmm. You know, I'm sure he didn't care And that's okay. But I felt like I was doing something. I felt like I was, you know, oh, I'm gonna hurt him in this way or, but really I was hurting myself. Hmm. Really, I was hurting myself. And, um, and I was putting myself in a deeper, in a deeper hole. I was falling more away from God. Hmm. And even though God still put people in my path, I still was not doing what God wanted me to do. I also felt that shame. I also had stopped going to church. I had tried to go back to New Life a few times, new Life, Cicero. And I know that I struggled there too, you know. Then finally, I got into this relationship with a gentleman, that I knew from work. At first it, it started off, I feel like it actually started off rough right away. Like, I was already kind of like going down a rabbit hole, mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. And I remember even like him picking me up and then the other one calling me on the phone and I'll be like, shh. I'm on, like, it's this person. Mm-hmm. And he would respect that. Hmm. And then something happened between me and him, the other gentleman, and we just broke it off. I pretty much told this new one. I was like, either you wanna be with me or not. Take me like how I am. Mm-hmm. You kind of already knew what was I going through, but we're not doing that anymore. Mm-hmm. So I put my boundaries mm-hmm. So to speak. Mm-hmm. To let him know like, Hey, I'm serious, even though I didn't start serious. As I went on with this relationship, I struggled a lot, um, in it because I, I still knew that God didn't want me in that relationship. Hmm. God didn't want me, to be living in sin. Um, because then later on, like three months later, he moved in with me. Mm-hmm. And everything just happened so fast. Mm-hmm. Where he moved in, that's when everything kind of transpired. Like everything just kind of broke down. So I'm living with this man. His daughter now lives with us. Mm-hmm. And his daughter is so wonderful. She's so beautiful. And, we're struggling in our relationship, me and him because, now we have, this 11 year old child in our home and he hasn't lived with her in some time, and she's carrying on some hurts. And then me and him have our problems. And, there's always constant arguing. Hmm. Um constant bickering and, a lot of, just going back and forth. You know, you leave the house. No, you leave. No, this is my house. Just a lot of that, you know, and, His daughter is seeing this and hearing this. Even though I built a really good relationship with her, I know that us three living together, I know that it affected her in some way. Mm-hmm. And, I know that,, during that time that I was living there, there was just, again, that emotional, stress. And he also dealt with his alcoholism. Just me and her always having to pick him up and, you know, then the next day, I wanted out the next day that, And it was, like I said, it was always kind of back and forth like, you know, I want you to leave. No, I'm leaving. Stuff like that. But I remember that day where his daughter and I had to pick him up and pretty much throw him, in the tub, to sober up. That was during the quarantine, we were actually quarantined because, he had gotten like a false positive and it was in the beginning of 2020. Mm-hmm. So, I remember that, in that time I was working from home and he was at home and, I remember taking my break and going up to his bed and saying,, I want us to break up and. That led into an argument. And I remember me shoving him and then when I shoved him, that was when the first time he ever hit me, that was the first time that he got really violent towards me. I mean, it had gotten aggressive before, but it never to the point where he punched me in my head. He grabbed my shirt, my sweater actually. And he put it over my head and he started punching my head. And I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe and I remember us falling to the ground and then me trying to reach for my phone, both phones'cause I had my purse on my work phone. And I remember that. He broke both of my phones and he threw them on the ground and then we're wrestling on the ground and, and his daughter is hearing all this in the other room. I think I get more emotional thinking about her versus the actual pain.'cause I've always been a true believer that physical pain, that pain will only last for a little while, but that emotional pain lasts a lot longer. Yeah. So I feel more so emotional because of her. Mm-hmm. But I remember her running and hiding in her room and, the lady upstairs, her daughter actually, she came down and she called the cops. Hmm. And thank God that she called the cops because when she came down, we were wrestling on the floor. In the living room floor. And God, wow. How much boldness that that young lady had, because I think she's, she's young. She was like 18. That she stepped down knowing that there's physical fight going on, knowing that there's, you know, someone that can be possibly dangerous, you know? Thank God for that young lady that, possibly saved my life. Hmm. And, I know that it was all God because I know that her parents are, people of faith, people, that believe in God. So I just, I praise God for that young lady. even though I did thank her, I don't think that I can thank her enough for that day. So praise God for, for that courage and that boldness that she had. That day, you know, the police came and, I had made a report. He had fled though, he had left. I remember that me and his daughter stood in the house and, unfortunately because I don't have any rights to his daughter, I had to do the right thing and, call, his aunt to come pick her up. But she didn't want to. Hmm, she didn't want to, because like I said, we built a really good relationship And I still pray for that young girl., I just pray that she's doing good. I left,, I remember, I stood there for a few days and then we finally made the arrangements that I was gonna move with my mom. Mm-hmm. The next few months was tough for me. It was very tough for me. It was again, the constant, him looking for me. Like, it's not over yet. It's not done. I remember that he finally, stopped calling and then he started dating someone else right away. And then I started dating someone else. Mm-hmm. I. And I remember when me and that other gentleman, we didn't date for that long. We're still good friends, me and this gentleman, but, I remember we didn't date that long. Thank God for that because we were both also going through hurt,, from whatever. Like for me, my past relationship for him, I'm sure other things. I remember that day that me and this other gentleman like said, Hey, we're going our separate ways. I remember calling this man that had just hit me a few months ago because I was feeling rejected because I wanted to feel that love because I just wanted to be held. I wanted comfort. Known comfort so I reached out to him and, I knew that he was with someone. Mm-hmm. It's embarrassing to share that, because of the, the desperateness mm-hmm. Yeah. Of wanting to feel loved, wanting to feel wanted, that I would seek, such a thing to go back to someone that hurt me physically, emotionally, and then I ended up hurting that woman I. Hmm. Yeah. I ended up hurting someone else in the midst of, you know, wanting for me to get instant gratification. Hmm. And we continue on to see each other, um, behind her back. I didn't go to his apartment. I didn't want to because, I just felt like, okay, I'm already degrading myself. I don't wanna degrade myself even more. I was his woman at first mm-hmm. And now I'm his side woman. Mm. And I wanna point that out because that was one of my struggles before I got married. Yeah. That I struggled with. That was one of my character defects, one of my shortcomings that, that I struggled with, that I would jump from relationship to relationship. Mm-hmm. So, I wanna speak on that because I feel that a lot of us, it does take courage to talk about it, but we're so ashamed of it. Yeah. And that's part of the testimony that I had to really ask God to lead me through because, I was scared. I'm internally shaking right now. Mm-hmm. Because it is embarrassing to, you know, say, Hey, I was his woman and now I'm his side chick. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Ann: 23:11

Nelly, if I can just add to that. Yes. It's very courageous of you. To share your past. It's very courageous of you to share of how you went from being his main woman to the side trick. Not a lot of women wanna put themself in a place where, they're exposed, right. Where they're vulnerable. But I believe that when one woman is courageous enough to talk about it mm-hmm. To share her voice on that, it helps other women who are currently maybe a side check to somebody else. Right. Maybe they're going through that and they don't know how to get out. Yeah. Because they're so full of shame, they don't know who to talk to. Right. They don't know who to turn to. Yeah. But at the same time, they're still looking for that void in their heart to be filled. And this person Right. Is filling that, that this person, so to speak. Right. They're filling that void in your heart. As you mentioned, in our human nature, we all wanna be loved. Yeah. We wanna be seen. Mm-hmm. And we wanna be heard. Right. We wanna know that someone caress for us. Right. And that was familiar to you, right. With this man. Yeah. And so for you it was like, well, I'll just call them and I'll, and I'll have him fill that void again. Mm-hmm. But why do we settle? Right. Right. Why do we settle for people that have hurt us, for people that have wounded us, for people who have either physically, mentally, emotionally abused us. Mm-hmm. Right. I want you to speak into that. Why do we do that? Why do we see patterns like that in our lives? Right.

Nelly: 25:21

I can't speak for everyone, but I can only speak for my experience. I already shared, that was a pattern that I had, and I know that it's through past hurts, through, hurts, because of the lack of parenting the lack of parental support in my home. And I'm not saying that my parents, didn't love me or mm-hmm. They weren't taking care of me. They were just too busy. Mm-hmm. So I was, uh, very young, you know, going out. I, I lost my virginity at 13 years old., I got pregnant at 15 or 14. I don't even remember. I had a miscarriage. And after those hurts, after that, you know, that pain, all I knew was sex. All I knew was, okay, I gotta jump from one relationship to another. That's all I knew. Mm-hmm. And, it's past hurts. It's past trauma. It's, uh, Everything has to do with, how I learned to deal with my trauma, which was through addiction. Mm-hmm. Which was through men. Mm-hmm. I learned to deal with my trauma by hiding it. And I'm saying I learned to deal with it, which really, I wasn't dealing with it, I was covering it. Mm. Yeah. But at that time I thought, oh, okay, well I'm dealing with it. Let me, you know, let me get high, let me have sex. So I remember, this whole time, since I was 13, having sex and doing these things. And I didn't have a god, a godly fundamental. My family my parents, they have, an understanding of God, but, they don't follow the faith. They're not believers. They have their own beliefs, I am praying for them. Mm-hmm. But they didn't have that. I didn't have that fundamental mm-hmm. And even though it was through people, even though it was through little seeds that were being planted, you know, praise God for those seeds. But, it, wasn't until, I accepted Christ and he helped me through the addiction. But, again, like the enemy attacks us and he puts shame and, oh, you're divorced now. What are you gonna do now? No one's gonna want you. Okay, well if no one's gonna want me, then let me go. Mm-hmm. Do what I knew. Yeah. Which was sleeping around. Mm-hmm. I thank God that I didn't fall into addiction. Mm. But that was kind of like an addiction. Mm. And I always tell people, I always feel like that was a relapse because it was a relapse of, um, of my old character defects.

Ann: 27:58

Yeah. The addictive behavior. Mm-hmm.

Nelly: 28:01

Mm-hmm. Right. Exactly. And even though I was sober, I felt high in the sense of like, I felt like I was doing wrong and I was. Mm-hmm. I was sitting against God. It was crazy. As I was preparing for today, I was looking at Galatians, through, The fruits of the spirit. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna just read I'm gonna jump from, from one to one, but, I wanted to read, the acts of the flesh are obvious. Sexual immorality, impurity and vouch idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, uh, dissensions factions and envy, drunkenness, orgies and the like. I've warned you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Why I am sharing this is because, Even though I knew God, even though I was in Christ, I felt like I had fallen away and I was hiding from, from God. Um, I was doing these things again. You know, I was, I was moving so fast that I, I wanted to avoid, you know, this, these things. I was like, oh, I was still showing love.'cause,'cause then we go into the fruit of the spirit that says is, um, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. So I felt, well, I'm still in God's presence because, um, I'm still showing love. I'm still showing joy. I'm still showing peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness. But I wasn't showing forbearance. I wasn't showing faithfulness and I wasn't showing self-control. Mm. And I had Googled, forbearance, and I don't think that I wrote it on here. Oh. I did. Okay. Forbearance is, uh refraining and holding back. And the reason why I wanted to specify forbearance because, I didn't really know what forbearance meant, for a long time, but just the refraining and the holding back why it was important for me because I wasn't holding back on a lot of things. Like I wasn't refraining from these ungodly things. Mm. I was, I kept, I didn't have no self-control. Mm. I was just doing. What Nelly wanted to do. Mm-hmm. I was just doing what I wanted to do. Mm-hmm. I wasn't working in the spirit of God, I was working in my own spirit. I was working in my own ful ways. I was working in that flesh. I thank God that I realized that, and I always had a good understanding of the word, and I always had a good understanding of, what God wanted me to do. But I never did it. And I remember my good friend, SSIE, she always tell me, yeah, Natalie, yeah. Mm-hmm. Do what God is calling you to do. Stop it. And she would get mad at me. Mm-hmm. She would, you know, we would argue in the sense of not like, where we wouldn't, I mean, there was days that we wouldn't talk and we, you know, let go of, you know, talking. But, she would always just be like, come on, like, you need to just allow God to work in your life and, and, and just stop it. Yeah. Be obedient. Yeah. That was the word that kept coming out of her mouth. And I was like, yeah, okay. That's Leave me alone. That's

Ann: 31:52

a good friend. She's a

Nelly: 31:53

very good's friend. Yes. Yes. She's a very good friend. She, she kept me in line all these years. Mm-hmm. I've known her this whole time that I, I've been in Christ, so praise God for, for that accountability. Again, it was until I had to. Reread that, forbearance, and, self-control. Because I didn't have self-control. And I know God is still working in my life through that, but I'm aware now. Yeah. I'm aware now, and I catch myself when I feel myself struggling or when I feel myself, being tempted or my anxiety wants to take over. I catch myself and, I ask God, like remove those things, you know, helped me in that midst. A lot of the things that helped me was a lot of words of affirmation, and working through these biblical steps of, the 12 steps. I know that in step four, it says we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourself. And that's what I was doing. Hmm. I was doing an inventory of myself. Yeah. Of, you know, these are my downfalls, these are my things that, I'm struggling with. Yeah. You know, I already knew God. So like, he gave me that, that knowledge and also that understanding. Hey, Natalie, you're sitting, I want you to see your shortcomings. I want you to see, your things that you're struggling with and. And it's not until step six where it says, we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Hmm. And then the verse that goes with it is humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up. James four 10, so it's through those principles that I was able to learn, you know, that God can help me. Yeah. That God can heal me, but he also, we also have to do an inventory of ourself and release those to God. Yeah. And it was through there that I started realizing, Hey God, I want these character defects to be removed. Hmm. I don't want to not have self-control over my body, over my thoughts, over the fact that I felt lonely and that I needed a man. Hmm. To validate me. Uh, no. I just need Christ who lives in me. Yeah. Who, who gives me strength? Who renews my mind. Yeah. Who fills me with his spirit every day and renews me with his anointing. He gives new mercies every day as long as we're willing to, repent. Yes. As long as we're willing to give it over to him. Yeah. And it took that, and, and I was praying constantly and I know it was through this year alone that I started seeing breakthrough in my life. I started feeling, God breaking through And there goes another gentleman trying to step into my life. Mm. Uh yes.

Ann: 35:00

The enemy knows what bait to use. Yes. Right? Yes. He, he focuses on our weaknesses and tendencies. Mm-hmm. That's what he focuses on. There's, there's nothing new with him though. These, he's up to his same old tricks and we'll use his same strategies. Right. Right. To get us to fall. Um, one of the things that I wanted to touch on is you mentioned, um, self inventory. Mm-hmm. And, and that's key in our healing process. Yeah. Being able to acknowledge, being able to admit. Right. Because when we're in that space where we're, acting out in our flesh, Out of, lack of self-control. We are in a state of denial. We are in a self-centered state. Right? Right. It's, it's about me and what I want and when I want it. Right. But when we're able to sit down with God and, and just do that self inventory, right, like you said, the Lord was showing you things about yourself, you are able to sit with yourself and look back on your life and look back at those patterns that you see in your life. You're looking back at how you've dealt with things in your life. Right. Um, I, and I'm speaking from a personal point of view. You look back and you're able to sit and say, you know, I've hidden, I've hidden from that most of my life. That's why I feel so stuck there. You know, I haven't addressed those things in my life. I haven't actually faced some of those, um, those pains, those traumas in my life. But I've, I've gone to things or people to try to numb that pain to try to hide from that trauma. Right. And when we're doing self inventory, who Jesus shines his light. Yeah. And, and he, he does it in a way where he's gentle with us, but he speaks truth to us. Right. He speaks truth to us. And at times he brings warning to us. Mm-hmm. He'll bring warning to us like, Hey, if you don't change, there's consequences. Absolutely. With sin. The consequence is death. Yeah. And we don't see that when, when we're going about doing what we wanna do. Right. We just, like you mentioned, and I'm glad you said it, instant gratification. Mm-hmm. We just want to feel good and we wanna feel good now. Right. Regardless of the consequences, regardless of the ripple effects that it has on others, because our sin affects others. Right? Yeah. And it's, it's coming to a place of, again, self-inventory. How do my actions affect me, but how do my actions affect? All those around me too. Right. You know? Right. So I'm, I'm so glad that you touched on that. Um, and please share more about these steps, these 12 steps that you're talking about, because it seems like they've really helped you on your journey. Yeah,

Nelly: 38:38

definitely. I started off with Celebrate Recovery. Mm-hmm. We all know that, there's NA and aa, 12 step programs and they are also very helpful and they've been helpful to me as well. Mm-hmm. I've actually started going back to na a few years ago. I would kind of go in and out though. and I always look at the fact that there is biblical principles. So that's why today I wanted to focus on Celebrate Recovery because, You know, they actually do acknowledge their higher power to be Jesus Christ. You know? And even though there are, with na, n a a mm-hmm. People do acknowledge their higher power to be Jesus. But because I wanna keep it, Jesus centered mm-hmm. I felt more comfortable sharing about Celebrate Recovery. But it's the same steps. Mm. It's the same 12 steps. Yeah. Again, we just focus on Jesus Christ. So our steps here. The first one I I I wanna go ahead and read'em to you. Yeah, yeah. With their biblical principles. Yeah. And we're about to have a CR meeting. No, I'm just kidding. Do what you gotta do. Right. Okay. So, uh, we admit we are so, one, we admit we are powers powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors that our lives had become unmanageable. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature for, I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans seven 18. Step two. We come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Who is Jesus Christ? Um, so the biblical, um, verses for it is God who works in you to, to will. And to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2 13, 3. We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God. Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12, one. Step four. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord. Uh, lamentations I can never pronounce that. Um, three 40, uh, step five. We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other and so that you may be healed. James five 16. Six. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects, defect of characters. Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up. James four ten seven. We humbly ask him to remove all our shortcomings if we confess our sins. He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. One John 1, 9, 8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. Do not do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6 31. Nine. We made direct amends to such people whenever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar first, go and, and be reconciled to your brother. Then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5 23 24 10. We continue to take personal inventory and we, when we are wrong, promptly at admit to it. So, so if you think you are standing firm, be careful. Hmm. That you don't fall. First Corinthians 10 12. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. 11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God. Praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and power to carry that out. Let the word of Christ dwell in you Richly collages three, uh, three 16, sorry. Mm-hmm. And then 12. Having had a spiritual experience as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others in practice, these principles in all our affairs. Brothers, if someone is caught in saying, you who are spiritual, should restore them gently, but watch yourself or you also may be tempted, Galatians six one. So these steps are, Fundamental to, our Christian life as well. Yeah. We may not be working these steps, through Celebrate Recovery, through na, through aa, but if you know the Lord, you're already doing these things. Mm-hmm. God asks us to, seek ourselves, that's step four. You know, do an inventory of ourself. Yeah. Humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. That's,, step seven. Also making direct amends, meaning, asking, for forgiveness. Yeah. To people, you know, as long as we're not gonna hurt them, you know? Yeah. And can I

Ann: 44:24

share a little bit about that? Yes. That right there, that's where a lot of people struggle and sometimes it can even bring them to a place of relapse. And I'll tell you why. Uh, what I'm learning is that when you are trying to change your life, when you're seeking help and recovery, understanding that our actions affect everybody. So my decision to get well and get healed, right, my decision to do better is also gonna affect my family. Now they're gonna be supportive, right? Family will be supportive, but that doesn't take away the hurt that was instilled, right? The broken relationships that came from our actions, right? Right. And so a lot of times we'll look for. Family to be forgiving of us. Right. To, to say, well, hey, I'm getting help now. I'm trying to make a change and I'm expecting you to forgive me. And it doesn't always work out that way because there's long term hurt from people. Right. There's a lot of, uh, brokenness there. And so my understanding now is that we need to allow people time to heal even though we are getting help. Right. Right. Even though we're seeking change and God's moving in our life, but. We need to allow people to go through their process of dealing with the change now and seeing the change and building that trust again with us. Right, right. Or, or with the person who is going through,, the addiction 12 step, celebrate Recovery program, you know, for whatever the addiction may be. Right. Right. That's really key in understanding that we need to make space for people to heal, especially our loved ones. Right. Um, because they may not be, trusting of us, yet They wanna see the change, right? Yeah. That, that's what they wanna see. And so, you know, just talking with, and, you know, I do biblical counseling, just talking with a lot of women who are, in the recovery part now of their journey. They mentioned that they say, well, you know, I expected, my kids to be understanding of me and to forgive me, I'm trying to get better, but you're not trying to be supportive, you know? Right. I'm not sure if you can speak into that, but this is what some of the things that I've noticed, can draw people back into relapse because they get discouraged. That their family's not being supportive and that their family's not able to forgive them just yet.

Nelly: 47:37

Right? Yeah, definitely. I mean, with dealing with any type of addiction or hangup, or compulsive behavior, including mental health, depression, anxiety, one thing that I noticed personally is that, my parents didn't understand, how to deal with that. It did cause me, a lot of hurt because again, it's not that they didn't love me, they just didn't know how to support me. Hmm. And I also had to understand though, that I hurt them. Hmm. And I hurt them in my addiction. And not only did I hurt them in my addiction, I hurt them in my compulsive behavior because you don't think that my mom, you know, was, Hurt that I got hurt. Mm-hmm. You don't think that my mom was in pain crying for me when she found out that, you know, that a man hit me. Mm-hmm. You don't think that my mom was not feeling that, that pain mm-hmm. For me, and I'm sure that there was many times that my mom would tell me like it's just easy to hang up the phone, or it's just easy to, um, stop talking to that man. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. For her it was easy to tell me those things, but for me it was not easy. No. And it was that, that struggle again with like, with myself. So I mean, yes. It's, it's hard when you feel like you're not being supportive and it's not that they're not, it's just they don't know how. Yeah. They don't know how, and it really does take for us, And working with God and allowing God to work in us. Mm-hmm. You know, to, to change that. And I know it's, it may seem like I, I always tell people, I know it sounds like a cop out to just pray about it, sis just pray about it. Mm-hmm. I think God that he has given me, education and knowledge of how to deal with, anxiety. Mm-hmm. I suffer from a lot of anxiety. One of the things that I always try to deal with for myself is pay attention to my body. If I feel pain in my arm, I know that that might be, due to, A lot of stress or, you know, just I pay attention to my body. Hmm. And then I start combating that anxiety through prayer. Yes. You know, through the armor of God. Yeah. And just, biblical references that will help me, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Yeah. That one's a really good one that I always say, like, I even tell my softball ladies, like when they're, going up to bat and they're like struggling. I'm like, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You know? I feel like everyone knows that verse, but I mean, it's

Ann: 50:20

the truth. It's so powerful. You're speaking

Nelly: 50:21

truth. Yeah. Yeah. It's so powerful, Uhhuh. So like, you know, finding those, biblical references that help you combat those mindset, that's what really helped me, because re reality is, We can't rely on other people. Hmm. And the sooner we start understanding that, the sooner we start giving it to God, the sooner we start releasing those anxiety, those burdens, that depression over to God, those shortcomings, those that inventory that we, that we did, and be honest with ourselves. Like, you know, Hey, I struggle with anger, you know? Yeah. Hey, I struggle with this. Like, I gotta give it to God. Yeah. You know? And I, I just wanna say something about anger, which anger is not a sin, it's how we act. Yes. It's what we do. Yes. Afterwards, you know, if we, you know, if we decided to, you know, throw chairs and, and hit somebody, then that's listen. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, just really allowing God to, to work in, in that area and combating that mindset. Hmm. Letting God, radiate in our. Lives, radiate in our hearts. I just read something in my devotional a few days ago mm-hmm. About radiance and how Jesus radiates in our lives. So we look at radiance as a light that reflects, so Jesus reflects on us, and then it reflects onto others. Hmm. So if, if Jesus is shining on us, then that's gonna reflect to other people, and that's what God wants. Yeah. That's what God wants. And for a long time, my radiance had went away. Hmm. I was stuck in that hole, but, you know, God pulled me out of that. Yes. And he's still healing me. Hmm. He's still healing me. Yeah. And, and I truly believe that, you know, God has a, a big purpose in my life. And you know, like I said, um, that area in my life is embarrassing to share So embarrassing that, God had to work in that embarrassment. Yeah. And like you said earlier, like our sin has consequences. Yeah. And, you know, um, one thing that I didn't share was when I did go back, I ended up, being,, in a meeting myself in a place where, I confronted the young lady and that led for me to end up putting my hands on him and hitting him. I slapped him. And they ended up calling the police. And,, I ended up getting arrested that day. So my consequences, my sin had consequences. Yeah. Mm. And I had to deal with that. And I wanna share that part and specifically because I think that sometimes we forget that our sin has consequences. Yeah. But you know what, God is so just and merciful that he's willing to redeem us through that. Yeah. The same way that he redeemed Paul. Mm-hmm. The murder of Christians. Yes. Well, his name was sa, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, he was able to redeemed him and then he was called Paul. Mm-hmm. And I always reflect back on that story because, um, You know, he was able to redeem me and, and I was scared for a very long time that I thought that that was gonna stay on my record and praise God that it didn't stay on my record because those, that case was dropped. Mm-hmm. That case was dropped and I remember when the judge said, this case has dropped. I started crying and I was like, God, thank you. You know, like I don't deserve this. Yeah. And we're not deserving, no, we're not deserving of his forgiveness, but he is willing and just to give it to us as long as we repent. Yeah. And. I thank God for that redeemed ness because I struggled with, wanting to move from a job. I was scared that that was gonna show up on my record. but he erased it. He had a, an eraser and he erased that. That's what only God could do that. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, God is amazing and he is wi willing and just to redeem us as long as we're willing to do, put in the work, ask for repentance and, you know, um, and be honest with ourselves. And, and one of the things that I would also kind of stress. For everyone is accountability. Yeah. Because in that time I didn't have accountability. Mm-hmm. I didn't, I mean, I had my friend Sie mm-hmm. And thank God for her life. Uh, thank God for her and her husband.'cause even her husband would be like, come on now. Like, you know, you gotta get your life together. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I thank God for people like that. Yeah. That spoken to my life, that continue to speak into my life. They set me straight when I need to be set straight. Hmm. Yeah. They rebuke me when I need to be rebuked. Yeah. You know? So I want to encourage people to, also seek accountability. Hmm. And that's something that fundamentally I learned at New Life. Cicero. Yeah through my mentors, Ellie and Catalina. I would not be the woman that I am today. I said I wasn't gonna cry. I told Catalina I'm not gonna cry. Mm-hmm. But they really encouraged me., they really did. Ellie Catalina, sassy, her husband Mike, they've been a big part of my life. And even though with Ellie and Catalina, like I still see them from afar, you know, like on social media. But I know that if I call them that they would be there. Yeah. I'm at a midway mm-hmm. And I have a new mentor. Mm-hmm. Maria, Alfaro. She's awesome. Yeah. She has been guiding me through the Purple Book, the discipleship book. Yeah. Yeah. And, guiding me through leadership. I'm praying for others at the altar. God is using me in that area and God is, helping me in learning as well. Because I'm still learning. We never stop learning. Yeah. But, I thank God for that accountability. I thank God for these Godly women. I thank God for these Godly relationships because, I honestly, through them blessing me, through them, praying for me, through them struggling with me.'cause I was a difficult person to deal with. Thank you. Jesus. Yes. Very difficult., I feel like, my new mentor for right now has been, she's been pleased with me. But, you know, I heard, she's reaping what

Ann: 57:05

the other mentors Yes. Has sewn into your life. Yes. She gets to reap

Nelly: 57:09

the fruit of that. Yes. Yes. God yes. Yes. Uh, so it's, it's, it's amazing. Mm-hmm. And I just, I thank God for what he's doing in my life and I praise him because I know that there's so many women that are in need. There's so many women, like just through my job alone, hearing their stories, what they're struggling, I'm able to counsel them and I'm able to give them these 12 steps Yeah. That they know.'cause they're familiar with them. Mm-hmm. And like I said, there's biblical principles in that they just don't know that yet. Okay. You know? Yeah. I'm able to guide them through that and, and I'm able to pray for them. I don't pray with them, mm-hmm. Because I do work for, you know, a foundation that is not, a Christ Foundation. Mm-hmm. I guess you could say an agency, you know. Mm-hmm. I'm sure that, wouldn't be allowed, but I know that I'm praying, for them, you know? Yeah,

Ann: 58:05

yeah. In your own secret space, in your, in your own quiet time. Yeah,

Nelly: 58:09

exactly. Exactly. You know, and I'm able to, you know, lead by example and I'm able to, uh, guide them by example, and that's all I want. Yeah. That's all I want because like I said, The hardest thing seeing my stepdaughter, knowing that I could have been a godly example, and I showed her something completely negative and I know that she didn't get everything negative about me because we were able to build a good relationship. But just having that in my spirit that I wish, I would've led her in a different way. and that relationship would've been led differently where she saw a good relationship. Like, now I'm making it my purpose to lead by example. Yeah. I'm making it my purpose to guide other women by my example. Praise God, my sisters. I have such a great relationship with my two younger sisters. I have an older sister and an older brother, but, they're supposed to be watching over me. I wanna lead by example. Yeah. I wanna be that godly woman that, you know, that Proverbs 31 woman, that virtuous woman, that woman of, of good character. I want, when people see me, they see that radiance of, of Jesus Christ that they see. A godly woman, not a just a woman, you know? Oh, look at that beautiful woman. With pink hair or color hair.'cause I am always switching it up. Uhhuh. Um, you know, they see that I'm confident, but I don't want them to see me confident as a woman. I want them to see me confident in Christ. Yes. Yes. I want them to see me confident in walking with the Lord. Yes. And setting that example for other women and for for other women, for my sisters, for my mother, yes. For my aunts, for my cousins. I want everyone to see Christ live in me. And I cannot do that if I'm living in the world. I cannot do that if I'm living in sin.

Ann: 1:00:17

Hmm. I love how you're true to your convictions, Nellie, that says a lot about you. I do see Christ in you. Thank you. I see Christ in you. I see Christ healing you. I see Christ restoring you. I see Christ renewing you, renewing your mind, your heart, your love for people. I see Christ in you, sister. I do. I do. And I know that the people around you see too. Yeah. And just continue this journey with your eyes fixed on him. Yeah. And more people will continue to see him in you. Amen. You have such a beautiful, powerful story. Of God's redeeming love and grace, how he's helped you during your journey of recovery and how he continues. He continues to help you and heal you and renew you. His Holy Spirit keeps working in us, sanctifying us. It's a process until the day we go and be with him. Yeah, right. But the beautiful thing is that we have testimonies like the one you're sharing today, to say God is with me, right? Every step of the way, God is with me revealing his love. Revealing his goodness, revealing his forgiveness, revealing his mercy, revealing his power. Mm-hmm. Revealing even his correction like a father. Yeah. He corrects us, right? Yeah. He sets us on that straight and narrow path. Mm-hmm. You know, and, and I thank him for that. I thank him for, I thank him for the people that he sends to walk this journey with us so we don't have to walk alone. Right, right. I thank him for the lessons that we learn through our mistakes, through the tests, through the trials of life. Right. Right. How, how we learn from them. How we grow from them. And so your testimony is just, it just, uh, a reflection like you talked about. A reflection Yeah. Of who God is in your life. Yeah. And it just lets people know that if God can do this in you, Nali, he can do this in them too. Yeah. Right. He can. What words of encouragement or advice would you have for a young woman who may, in the same situation like you were in,

Nelly: 1:03:15

I would say, you know, start doing that inventory of yourself and, whether it's through a 12 step program or not, but start having a real reflection of why you're in that relationship. Why are you seeking that validation? Asking God, is it past trauma? That I need to heal. Do I need to forgive my father? Hmm? Do I need to forgive my mother? Do I need to forgive that person that hurt me, that person that molested me, that person that raped me, that caused me to fall into this cycle? Who do I need to forgive or what do I need to do? Like really do that Self inventory. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Do that. Self inventory. And then once you do that, you know, Start working on it and asking God, you know, to heal you through that, to walk you through that process. Because, you know, God can walk you through that process. And, um, and everything is through prayer and supplication. You know, everything we, we must do is through prayer and asking God, you know, but we also have to be honest with ourselves. And if you have to do it with, uh, an accountability partner, a mentor, a sponsor, I would recommend that you guys do that. I really do. Because they will be able to keep you accountable and say, Hey like. You're struggling. I see that your struggle is still there. Mm. You know? And they're able to kind of help you, guide you because sometimes, we expect God to talk to us, audible. But. Realistically, it doesn't happen. Sometimes we think that that's, that's what we need. But really, he's speaking through his word, he's speaking through, other people through, messages, through our pastors, through messages from, you know, teaching from Bible studies and stuff like that. That's how God speaks to us. But, um, yeah, just allowing an accountability partner, a sponsor, a mentor, um, to help you through that time so you don't do it alone, because God doesn't call us to be alone either. Mm-hmm. And we can't, we can't be alone. We, we all need help from, from another human being. Mm. You know? So I encourage people to not do it alone. Mm. seek help, but really do that self inventory because that's where, that's where God's gonna start working in. In your life, for sure.

Ann: 1:06:04

Hmm. Nelly, I wanna thank you so much for being my guest today. Thank you for accepting the invitation to courageously share your story. Again, I have to say that this is not easy. It's not easy to, share your story, with people, right? It's not easy to get behind a microphone or behind a camera and share the deepest parts of your soul with people. Yeah. But I believe that when God begins to heal you, when God begins to, redeem your story, you have this freedom to say, I'm gonna share it. Because if it can help. One person then, Lord, I wanted to help one person. I just wanna help someone that's been through what I've been through and let them know, let them know they have hope in Christ. Right? And so that's what I received from your story. So I just wanna thank you for, uh, being my guest. And, um, do you have any final words?

Nelly: 1:07:16

No, just thank you for the invitation. I mean, um, Like we were talking earlier, before we press record Uhhuh, you know, I, I felt like there was a lot of struggles, uh, me trying to get here. Um, but we know that those were the attacks. It was the enemy because he didn't want me to share my story. Mm-hmm. And I'm glad that, you know, I even, I left early, you know, to get here early. Yeah. I was like, even if I'm bothering and I'm coming, so thank you for No bother. Yeah. Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure I really hope that my story speaks to someone, but not for my glory, but for the glory of God. Yes. And that, you know, lives be transformed the way that my life was transformed. Yes.

Ann: 1:08:03

Well, thank you once again. Thank you to our listeners who have listened to this podcast episode. Stay tuned for the next episode of Her Scars. Tell a story.