"Our Scars Tell A Story" - Interview with my Husband Omar

A few months ago, I interviewed my husband on his podcast Wrong to Strong Chicago Podcast and I decided that it was fitting to share this interview on this Podcast since it's him and I sharing our story. 
Omar and I were two very lost and hurting souls before we came to know Jesus Christ. Jesus not only saved us and rescued us but He redeemed us and delivered us.
The message is clear, "He loved us while we were yet sinners" and this is the love that motivates us to love others and testify of His amazing grace and share His gospel with those just like us. Once we were considered  outcasts, rebellious,  and rejected. Now, forgiven, new creation, chosen and loved in Jesus Christ. We share our story in faith, believing that with God all things are possible for them that believe.

We pray our testimony will bless you.

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Email: wrong2strongchicago@gmail.com

Transcript

Ann: 0:07

Hey there, friends. My name is Anne Calvio and welcome to her Scars Tell a Story, podcast, A safe space for women from all different walks of life and different backgrounds coming together to share their stories of God's redeeming love. So grab your cup of coffee and journey with us now.

Omar: 0:55

Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Wrong to Strong Chicago. I'm your host. My name is Omar Cal, Leo. And, uh, today we're gonna be doing something different on, uh, on this podcast. Usually, I, I have people come on this podcast and I interview'em. I ask'em questions about what it was like growing up in Chicago. But, uh, me and my wife were talking recently and she was telling me, Man, I think you should share your story on here one day. So, you know, we discussed it and, we had the idea of having her interview me today. So I would like to welcome my wife and gal. Leo, welcome to the Wrong to Strong Chicago podcast.

Ann: 1:33

Thank you for having me, babe. Um, I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to be able to interview. Um, I've always said that your testimony is my favorite testimony, just because I've gotten to see firsthand what God has done in

Omar: 1:47

your life. Oh, thank you for sharing that. But yeah, so basically, so what I'm gonna do, basically, I'm gonna be the, the guest down here today. Yeah. And I'm gonna hand this over to her and she's gonna be asking the questions. And

Ann: 2:01

I'm all yours. All right. All right. So, um, I know basically I'm wrong to strong. We talk a lot about, just growing up in the city of Chicago. So tell us a little bit of what that's been like for you growing up in the city of Chicago.

Omar: 2:18

Okay. Yeah. Well, I was, uh, born and raised here in Chicago. Um, I grew up my whole life, well, not my whole life. The first 13 years of my life, uh, I spent growing up in Pilsen. I grew up on 22nd and ho. Um, the address, I still remember my address, 2048 West 22nd Place, you know, and back then, to be honest, it was a, a, it was a beautiful place, uh, for me to grow up. We lived in a three story building and it was all family. Uh, you know, me, I had my parents, you know, my mom and dad were always in, in the picture, so it was us. Uh, and back then it was only just me and my two brothers. I had older brother and a younger brother, and, uh, we lived on the first floor. Uh, up on the second floor was my uncle, my aunt, and that had a bunch of children. My cousins, you know, I forget how many, there was maybe like eight. And then downstairs was my aunt and my uncle. I had my two cousins down there as well. So, uh, growing up in Pilsen for me was like family. I remember even like neighbors that lived down the block. They were like family members to us. It was very like a close knit community for me. now that I think about it, it's like I felt like safe, protected, You know, I had big cousins, uncles, and it was, it was a, a very special, I have very special memories of growing up in Pilsen, uh, just on that block. Um, all the family, uh, I wanna send a shout out to the families that I remember, you know, of course my own, the Calvio bes, uh, Perez family. Then we had like neighbors that we grew up with that were in, that were like family. There's the Bon Si family s and so many more, you know, that. So I'll say as far as like the area, I remember Pilsen, uh, right on the corner was like a hot dog place. I remember in the summer, uh, right when they were getting ready to close down, you know, they would give us hot dogs and whatever food they had left over. I live right across the street from a Catholic church. Beautiful church. You know, its St. Paul's. Mm-hmm. man. it was nice. for me, like my childhood there, I remember it as good. The first thing that comes to my mind is family, always gathering with them, and it was nice.

Ann: 4:32

Yeah. And so being in that tight knit community, it's all about family. And I know that your family is just a, a very, has a very close bond with one another. Um, tell us what that was like as far as like what was going on within the four walls of your home. What did your family structure look

Omar: 4:51

like? Yeah, you know, we, we had a big family. A family structure was, man, one thing I would say about my dad to start off with, he was hard working, uh, since ever since I was li I was little. I remember he had his full-time job. He'll go to work and then he'll come home and do work. He was like the neighborhood of mechanic. He'll be working on people's cars, where it'd be in the evenings and for sure on the weekends. I remember him having, uh, having us help him. You know, me and my brothers in the garage, we'll be over there passing him the tools, holding the light from. So, since the early age, he, uh, taught, I'll say all of us, a hard work ethic, uh, which I believe I still have to this day. Uh, as far as inside the home, like my whole family, I love my family. Uh, but man, I grew up in a culture. I think, you know, as a Mexican culture, the drinking, you know, it was always drinking. Even, you know, the, the, the weekdays and the weekends forget about it. And man, it was always like party time, whether it be there where we lived or we always used to go by my uncle's house, whether it be, um, southeast side by Kalie, May Park. I had an uncle and just, there was always family parties. I remember. Uh, but that, that was like, I'll say the main staple was drinking and ob obviously with drinking. A lot of stuff comes with that. Uh, there was a lot of arguing is inside my house, you know, I remember as the early age, um, back then my dad used to drink more, you know, so I remember like driving home from parties where he'd be like, swerving on the expressway and we'd be scared coming home. Uh, just things like that, I would say. So inside the, the home, like I said, I had my, my mom and dad there, but there was definitely, you know, some, you know, struggles I guess. Like you have a young couple. I'm sure they had a lot on their plate, pressure trying to provide for us. Uh, but yeah, there was some arguing, drinking. So I grew up in a family that, like to this day they talk about who was able to drink the most, you know, like man who was able to, uh, hold down their liquor. Who, who was the last man, uh, sitting on the table. And that was, it was that type of culture, you know, And that's how I grew up. You know, I grew up where, you know, giving, uh, giving a young kid beer and watching him, drinking was fun. It was cool, you know? Yeah. So, yeah, it was that, that type of environment. I love my family. We're very close, but there were certainly, you know, certain things I wish, you know, were a little different, I guess.

Ann: 7:18

So, um, I hear you say that you grew up in this loving, home loving environment. Yes. Your family, had issues. Right. And just like you mentioned, um, it's very typical in our culture, to just view drinking as not alcoholism, which is what it is, but back then it's kind of like, it's what you do, It's what we do, right? Yeah. Um, so how did that affect you personally growing up in that, um, type of mindset where this is normal, this is normal for me, this is. I grew up in. And so how did this affect you in your life?

Omar: 7:59

Well, I guess, I guess when I was young, I didn't realize how it, how it was affecting me. I say it wasn't until I started getting older. So back then, you know, it was cool to, you know, be with my cousins and uncles and here we are young and we were drinking. They wouldn't say nothing, go in the cooler, grab a beer, smoke a cigarette, even though I probably didn't know how to do it. Right. it was just something about, you know, something about being with the older guys, whether it be my family members, family, friends, and mm-hmm. you know, just being able to be one of the guys, you know, ever since I was young, I wanted to be one of the guys belong. when you're young you wanna grow up quick. Mm-hmm. you don't wanna be the little kid, you know, you wanna feel like, man, you know, I could hang with the big guy. So I'll say, back then, I didn't see how it was affecting me, but I'll say later on, as I guess as we get into my story, the drinking wasn't enough, no more. It led me to do other things. So, Yeah.

Ann: 8:50

And so with that, you know, the other things, um, can you tell us a little bit more about that?

Omar: 8:57

Yeah, I, I would say like, growing up in Pilsen, with my friends, I always admired, the gang lifestyle. You know, I would look up to and admire those that were in the gangs. You know, those that were in my neighborhood, uh, just, they, they, they were cool in my eyes, you know, They were like, Uh, man, I used to dress like them even as a, a young age. And I don't know, just something about that lifestyle that, that attracted me. So I would say what that led me to do, it led me start experimenting with drugs, uh, whether it was weed in the beginning, and then from that maybe, uh, Started doing like cocaine and then other things as I started getting more involved.

Ann: 9:35

Hmm. And so you started doing drugs, you started admiring the gangs. Um, and then growing up in Pilsen, you know, we know that that neighborhood is pretty much known, for, for the gangs. tell us what it looked like once you started wanting to be a part of those gangs and, and why?

Omar: 9:59

I guess I'm have to share, uh, this story here. Uh, I always admired, you know, the gangs and, uh, I had my cousin, his name was Gill. Uh, he was, he was part of the gang in the neighborhood, and he was a young, tough guy. Like, he had a, a reputation, you know, I remember being young, you know, being just little guys in the neighborhood. Like if we were ever, like, let's say if some other gang members tried to mess with us. Cuz we weren't, we weren't plugged yet. we were young, but we were, having our own little crews or stuff in the neighborhood. I remember back then it was very popular to have like little party crews. You had a party crew on this block and some down the block. So I would say back then it was more like a little party crew, just guys getting together, you know, maybe tagging. We do some tagging, you know, writing, you know, on garages or walls or whatever. So that, that's what I started doing. But as far as gangs, like, uh, my cousin would keep us from joining the gang. Hmm. You know, cuz uh, I remember like, I, I would jump on my bike and I would go like to, to look for him cuz he, he'd be, you know, a few blocks down, you know, hanging out with this guy and I would go over there and just, cuz I always admired. And I'll go over there trying to hang out with him. He like, Man, he'll, he'll kick me out. You know? He told me, Go back to, you know, where, where, where my, you know, little group of friends were at. So I would say that even though I admire that, he, he was the one that would, that would keep me, uh, my younger brother and my, my cousin, you know, from, from that lifestyle. Like, if we ever got in trouble, like, let's say some gang members tried to mess with us all. We had to do, Hey man, my cousins, you know, and I would say his nickname. And they were like, Oh man, you know, it is cool. And they would leave us alone. It was almost like his name, uh, his reputation I guess, uh, was like our protection. Yeah. You know, like, you know, the guys in the neighborhood will leave us alone. Oh man. That's your cousin. Right? Cool. You know, we're, you're all right. You know, we ain't gonna mess with you. So I, I believe he, he, he played a role at, at that point in time of keeping us from, uh, joining, joining him in his footsteps.

Ann: 12:02

Yeah. And so you talk about your cousin Gill and how he plays this role of this protector wanting to keep you guys kind of out of that lifestyle that he was already in. What happened? And I guess, why did that all change and how did you get started in the gang life?

Omar: 12:26

well, I, I will say what happened, it was, uh, August 19th, uh, I remember, um, uh, well I lived in Pilsen up to the age of 13. We ended up moving by um, Gates Park neighborhood. Uh, so we were living there and I remember we still go back to our neighborhood though cuz all my friends were there. I didn't know nobody in Gates Park. I didn't even want to hang out over there. So we would always go back, go back to Pilsen. So on this night it was, uh, August 19., I remember we're on Western, I think my mom was driving us back to the neighborhood and I seen my cousin, he used to live on 47th and Western. I seen him sitting in his front steps and something told me like, Man, maybe we should give him a ride. But I seen him there and I, you know, my mom, we just kept going. We went to the neighborhood and I forget what it was, maybe a Friday night. But you know, we went to the neighborhood hanging out and I believe we went back home later. And then, uh, basically that night, uh, we got a call and saying that, that my cousin Gill had gotten shot. And um, so we get the news that he got shot and it was, I believe it was early in the morning. Well, anyways, we get the news. He got shot and uh, it turns out that he had gotten shot by the police. So basically the police killed him. It happened on 19th and hawing. And he was young, you know, So that was, to me, that was like the first like tragedy that I experienced growing up. I haven't lost like, family members, but they were old. You know, there was never somebody that was my age. My cousin was about a year or two older than me. Uh, we grew up together. You know, he lived in Pilsen too, like a few, a few blocks away. We were always together, you know, uh, him, his brother, you know, me and my brothers, and another one of our cousins. Like I said, it was a tight knit family that we grew up in. And man, that really hurt. That really hurt. And, uh, losing them. Um, you know, it just, it's, you know, cuz you, you, you, you heard stories back then about how he passed mm-hmm. you know, and it made you angry. You know? It, it made me and my my cousins. It was like a hatred for the police, to be honest. If I'm being honest right now. Hatred for people in authority in general. And I believe that's what started the rebellion in us. Um, like he was like the buffer, I guess, that kept us, uh, you know, from, from the gang life. Yeah. So that was a major hurt in our family. And, and I think what hurt the most too, that was part of it, of course, losing them. But I remember going to my aunt's house, you know, a few days, maybe a week later, and, you know, just helping her, you know, like, you know, just being there for her. And we were helping her, I think, pack some stuff up and she was receiving letters in the mail. Uh, people were writing her, but these weren't like, support letters. These were letters of hate. And she, she, she didn't know how to read English. She, she would ask me to, if I could open'em and read'em. So I would read'em. And these were very hateful letters that, you know, the stuff that we're saying almost like, We're glad he's gone. We're glad that happened to him. Very racist and hateful letters. And that even just made me like more angry. Yeah. You know, like, I don't know, it just like fueled, I would say, like a fire. And, um, so yeah, that happened. We lost him. The whole family grieved and it was a huge loss. It was a huge hurt for our family. Um, and I think that opened up the road for, uh, the first one to, uh, join the gang afterwards, I think maybe about, uh, a year later was my younger brother. Mm-hmm. or two years younger. He, he was the first one that turned out, you know, I would say he was probably like the craziest one out of all of us, to be honest. Even though he was younger, uh, he was mad. He was just tough. He was a tough guy. You know, he turned out and, uh, soon after, I would say me, my other cousin and maybe some friends followed. So, and like I said, it was just fueled by hurt, hate, anger. And yeah, he ended up, you know, turning out what, where he, I think if he was still there, probably would've kept us from following in his footsteps. Mm.

Ann: 16:49

I think you mentioned something, um, really important there, because I know that most of the guys in the hood turn out because they're looking for family, they're looking for acceptance, they're looking for love, which are all the things that you already had, you already had growing up. You had that close, tight knit family. You had that love, you had that, um, support people there in your corner. Um, so you saying that you turning up had a lot to do with the, your hurt, the hate that you had in your heart for what happened to your cousin and, and how it happened. Um, you said it fueled. This rebellion in you to turn to the gangs, to turn to the streets, the very place that your cousin was trying to protect you from, but now you found yourself, um, involved now, uh, with the streets and with the gangs. Tell me what was going on in your, I guess in your mind, while this was all happening and like what, what did it cause you to do once, you know, your, your cousin had, its passed, you seen your aunt's grief, you got these letters. What did you do from there?

Omar: 18:10

Uh, that, I think what I did was, uh, me and my, me and my younger brother were really close. You know, I got an older brother. Um, but me and my younger brother were like twins, always together. So once, like, he, he turned out, you know, once he joined is like, like I, to be honest, like I joined almost like to, you know, to be with him. Just, you know, Honestly, we were already, like in the neighborhood we grew up in, you know, you already, you're already out there, you know, making connections, doing crazy stuff. Maybe not gang banging, but drinking, like I said, tagging and doing all this stuff, partying, uh, doing drugs. So, and then, you know, you start, even though like, let's say like, I think I maybe joined like a year after my brother, something like that. It wasn't immediate. And, uh, yeah, well I guess what it led to is just, you know, being in the neighborhood, I was already hanging out with these guys, you know, like doing stuff with them. So when it was like time for me, I guess, to like officially join, basically I got almost like blessed in, I remember it was me and two other guys that turned out, like, on that one particular day. And the two other guys ended up getting like, like violated, like, like beat down. And uh, they made an exception cuz I was already out there with all these guys, you know, I knew all of'em were already hanging out. It was almost like I was, uh, in it, but not in it, You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I would say what it led me to do, man, I was, I was lost to be honest. I was started doing like a lot of drugs, uh, weed, cocaine back then, man. We started acid, uh, pcp, you know, they call it a wiki water, uh, dunk square, smoking that. And it was just bad. I would say I was in a, in a place where I was lost just out there. Um, you mentioned about, I, I know a lot of guys join cause they don't have that, that family. Mm-hmm. you know, they, they go there to find family. Well, I went there cuz my family was in it too though. You know, I had my younger brother, my other cousin and some other cousins too. They were hanging out with us. So it is almost like the whole family went in. Mm-hmm. I don't know if that makes sense. So yeah. It was still a family affair. Yeah.

Ann: 20:19

And so now your family's in, you're into the, the whole gang life. Um, you're obviously out there, you know, tell me when it was that you found yourself making decisions that you knew were gonna have consequences.

Omar: 20:40

Well, I, I think once you're in that lifestyle, it starts off with little things you do, whether it be stealing, robbing, um, stealing cars, you know, um, just things like that that we, you know, and, and other stuff we were doing, you know, is as far as like the street life goes, you're always, you know, you're fighting, you know, there's guys, and maybe you call it the other side that you don't get along with and, you know, there's, there's, um, yeah, just fights. I will say, you know, like things like that. So, what was your question, I lost. You

Ann: 21:12

got, Yeah, so my question is, when did you start making choices? Oh, okay. Yeah, Yeah. That had consequences.

Omar: 21:18

Oh yeah. I would say ever since I was born, I made choices that had consequences. Right? I mean, every, anything that we do is gonna have a consequence. Some, it's not gonna be a reaction. But yeah, as far as that goes, um, it, it made it easy, I guess, you know, doing the drugs and all that, you're not in the right state of mind. So it makes it easier for you to do stuff, you know, you shouldn't be doing. You know, you're gonna get in trouble, but you're not in the right state of mind. So, yeah, you know, out there wild, uh, back then I was in the fine physical specimen that you see right before your eyes, you know, I like how she left you know, I was the scrawny guy. I have to

Ann: 21:58

agree. I have to. Yeah.

Omar: 22:00

No, but back then, you know, the reason I said that, cause back then I was scrawny. I, I wasn't like a tough guy. You know, I, I knew guys that I hung around with. These guys were big, these guys were tough. Mm-hmm. honestly, I was a little like, puny guy, little, you know, weakling. So what that led me to do was to, to pick up a gun. You know, to be honest, you know, I'm, I'm not gonna, I said here in life, say I was a tough guy out there, but it, it, I, I became, I would say trigger happy that they would have us, uh, you know, when you're young, they'll put you on security in the neighborhood. And to me that was something that I like doing and I seen it like a man, I'm protecting my friends. I'm protecting my family that are out here. Yeah. You know, if anybody comes and tries to hurt them, you know, I'm gonna hurt them. Mm-hmm. So I think that's one of the choices that, uh, I ended up doing. Just being out there and, you know, there, you know, a lot of guys where we're doing that, you know, we would take turns, but that's one of the things that led us to do.

Ann: 22:56

Right. So you're making all these choices, you're, you chose now to protect yourself by picking up a gun. And how old were you about this time? I

Omar: 23:07

had to be like let's say like 16 or 16 or 17. Somewhere around there. Yeah.

Ann: 23:11

Okay. So let me ask you this. You're running around in the streets, uh, with a gun doing, you know, all kinds of crazy things. Uh, what did your family try to do? Like what intervention did they try to do to kind of stop what was happening with you and your brother?

Omar: 23:32

Um, I would say, um, well, of course my mom, she would always tell us not to go over there to the neighborhood, but. We're young, you know, like we were gonna go no matter what. Of course my family didn't approve, you know? And of course we would lie about the things we were doing. Oh, you know, we're just gonna go by my cousin's house cuz he lived in the neighborhood. We didn't. So that was our way to get over there. Hey, we're just gonna be by his house. And that was, we would land there and then, you know, go hang out. Yeah. Uh, my dad, you know, he worked, uh, second shift for, uh, during that, that time that we were out there. So I think that made it easier for us to go to the streets. Yeah. Because to be honest, he wasn't around that night. Okay. And sometimes he'll be working really late and sometimes I believe he'll get out, like at two, three in the morning, he'll go to the neighborhood and find us and grab us. So with, with that belt, Yeah. You know? Yeah. There was a few instances with the belt, even though we were teenagers and we thought we were men, you know? Yeah. My dad let us know that. Hey, you know, But yeah, he, he, he would go out there and I think, you know, he, he did, he did what he had to what he had to do as far as like working to provide for my family. That's one thing I'll always remember. He worked hard, but I think that made it easier for us to go to the neighborhood, the fact that he was working late. Yeah. But yeah, he, our family definitely tried to discourage us, had other family tell us, man, you know, don't be in that lifestyle. So you, you would hear it from a lot of people, teachers. Yeah. You know, people are like, Man, hey, you guys are good kids. You know, don't, don't go down that road. But, you know, when you're young, you, you know, it all can't nobody tell you anything, you know? Um, and like I said, we were, and then rebellion, you know, we had anger, we were hurt. And we, when you're hurt, I think you just wanna hurt others,

Ann: 25:13

I guess. Tell me about that time, cuz you know, I know your story, I know your testimony. Tell me, tell us about that time when your mom was really worried about you and she said, You know what, I'm gonna send you to Mexico. Tell me what happened.

Omar: 25:30

Okay, Well, I guess what ended up happening, um, They, they, back then I was, like I said, I was really, really skinny looking, real frail. And they sent me to Mexico to go see a ett, you know, So cuz they said somebody had done some, uh, you know, like some, some voodoo, you know, black magic, whatever you wanna call it. Mm-hmm. I'm sure it had nothing to do with all the drugs I was doing, you know, and all the drinking, you know, that had no, no nothing to do with it. Uh, but anyways, uh, yeah, I ended up going to to Mexico to go see this lady. And I remember being over to my aunt, we went to Salate Theater and we're rocking around the town and we ended up bumping into, uh, like my cousin's aunt, she's not my aunt, but she's my cousin's aunt and his family side. And I knew her from, uh, Chicago. She used to live over here. Her name was, Chatta. Uh, so we bumped into her. She invited us to her home, me and my aunt, we went over there for like, for lunch, I believe. So we ate some lunch, you know, we're just, you know, talking and. Then as we, when we finished eating, she asked me, Hey Omar, you know, could you come to the back of my house? You know, this was in, you know, over there in Sara. So I go to the back end of our house, and, uh, she had like a, I guess like a makeshift church back there, like a home church, I guess you could say. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So she asked me, Hey Omar, could we pray for you? So, and this point I was like, Man, I didn't come to Mexico to have somebody pray for me. Mm-hmm. you know, I'm like, But you know, you, you're being respectful, you know of people. I'm like, Yeah, sure, why not? So I remember, uh, her, and there was another lady and a guy, I didn't know who they were. Now I know because I talked to her after, afterwards, but it was like a pastor and his wife. Mm-hmm. So anyways, uh, I get there and then they, you know, they surround me. They start praying for me. And what freaked me out is like, I guess as they were praying, a couple of'em started like speaking in tongues, like unknown languages, I would say. Mm-hmm. So I'm like, Man, what's, what were they doing? You know, like, So anyways, I'm there. And then the lady that was there starts speaking over my life, telling me stuff. He like, Man, you, you need, you need to mend that relationship with your brother. I hear the Lord say that you need to mend that relationship with your brother. And at that point, man, she got my attention. Hmm. Cause us, I have my older brother and at this point we hadn't talked like for a couple years, even though we lived in the same house, I wouldn't say a word to him. He wouldn't say a word to me. And there's a, you know, I guess we each had our own reasons for that, whatever that was back then, you know, childish, uh mm-hmm. resentment or anger towards each other, whatever that might have been. But yeah, she's like, Man, you need to men that relationship. She just kept praying and they started saying some stuff over me and that was it. But I know, like, man, I just thought about it. And, and yeah, that's, that was that part. And uh, I. Like afterwards, uh, it was at night. We ended up going to go see that, uh, that KU lady. So, you know, she, we went there, she lit some candles. I had to give her a pictures. Oh, yeah, somebody did something to you. Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of it. Like, all right. I remember going home that night, you know, to, to my aunt's house and, uh, falling asleep. And I remember in the middle of the night, I just felt like my body get all stiff. Like literally, like I was laying there. I just felt my body stiffing out and I just started feeling hands, rubbing my body from my head all the way down. And I just remember letting it like a hissing sound, and that freaked me out. I had never experienced anything like that, but yeah, that's, that's what happened. And that one instance when I went to Mexico,

Ann: 29:13

Mm. So you have this experience. I mean, it had to, it had to bring questions to your mind, right? Like, you go to Mexico, you, you're going to get healed from this witch doctor. Um, is what a good is. Um, and you have this encounter with your aunt, right? Or your cousin's aunt, and she's praying for you and she's speaking over your life. You come back home to the states, right? You come back home and what happens next?

Omar: 29:51

Uh, at this point, um, I'm gonna backtrack a little bit. Before this had happened, uh, me, me and my younger brother had gotten, uh, locked up. Uh, it's a long story behind that, but he ended up getting, um, locked up before. And, uh, that, that, that really hurt. You know, the whole situation hurt me, the circumstances behind it. Uh, what led him to, to go in there and man, I, I, I was lost cuz we were, we were like twins. We were together all the time, you know? Mm-hmm. uh, so he was in the juvenile. Cause he was a juvenile. So he went in and I was out here and, um, I was, you know, I was fighting the, the, the, that case. And I remember when they, So what ended up happening, when I came back a couple months later, I ended up getting locked up myself. I basically accepted a plea for, uh, it was the, the first plea offer they gave me. Mm-hmm. honestly, I, I'm looking back, I think, you know, I could have probably got less time. Mm-hmm. So what happened? They offered me seven years. That was the first thing. And right away I took it. Mm. I don't know why. I just said, Yeah, I'll do it. So they gave me seven years. So when they give you seven, back then it was still 50%. So I, I had to do three and a half years. How old were you at

Ann: 31:06

this time?

Omar: 31:07

This was, I think I was 18 years old. Yeah. 18. Mm-hmm. So, Yeah. You know, they gimme seven years. So yeah, I ended up going, I got locked up, uh, February 4th, 1997. I went in, I went into Cook County, then I'm from Cook County. I went to Joliet. I think I was in Joliet. I forget. It's, it's like receiving. Uh, so I was there for maybe, let's say a month, I think. Mm-hmm. And then after that I got shipped to, uh, Van Dalia, where I started, uh, serving my time. So yeah, that's, that's what ended up happening. I went in there and, uh, in Van Dalia, uh, even throughout the county when I first got there, there was guys like, on the deck that they put me on that were like, not from my neighborhood, but from another, a few blocks down. Like everywhere I went, like I knew somebody, which made it easier for me, I would say. Uh, so even back then, I believe God had his hand on me. He protected me cuz wherever I was at, like I knew somebody, you know, or somebody from the neighborhood, or even in Joliet, I bumped into guys from, from the neighborhood, whether they were from my gang or from other gangs that I knew, but that I knew from, from the streets. Yeah. And I think that made it easy. So like when I went to Vandalia, it was like open dorms. Mm-hmm. So there was like a bunch of guys, picture a bunch of guys in just one room, bunch of bunk beds. Uh, so yeah, man, I went down there and I remember I started working in the kitchen, so I was able to, to bulk up pretty quick. Mm. Um, I went in there 127 pounds and when I got out I was like 180 5, so I gained over 40 something pounds. So yeah. In the kitchen. Um, I met a lot of, This may sound crazy, but I met a lot of like great people that I ended up becoming friends with, uh, in there. And it's almost like you go to war together, you build a bond. I don't know, it's weird. Mm-hmm. but, uh, a lot of guys that I met there, so I went to Vandalia, then East Moline, and then from East More, I got caught getting a tattoo. Mm-hmm. So then from there they, uh, they shipped me to, uh, Danville. I went to Danville. But yeah, that, that's, that was my experience as far as that goes. But I, I'll share this, like no matter where I was at, whether it was the county Joliet, uh, Van Dalia, East Moline, I was always around people. Mm-hmm. So it, it made it easy for me to almost feel like I'm not locked up cuz I'm interacting with'em. Mm-hmm. whether it was man, whether it was we're working out, whether it be on the yard, we're working out in the gym, playing basketball, playing handball. you know, you, you build a connection with a, with a lot of these guys, you know, you're always interacting. So the weird part is I was already, I think like two, two years plus in there when I got caught getting the tattoo and they throw you in eg. Which is basically jail inside a jail. Mm-hmm. which is like solitary, I guess you could say. Cuz you're by yourself now in a cell. Okay. And to be honest, like all those two years plus I felt like I was keeping it together emotionally. Mm-hmm. I was getting like, you know, cause you gotta be strong in there. You gotta be tough. You can't show weakness, you can't be in there. Man, I feel sad. I feel like crying so man, like, almost like I was hardened, you know, hardened, like I hardened myself, hardened my heart and Yeah. Just your mentality. Uh, so when they threw me in there, like in, uh, in said in segregation is like, I'm by myself now. So I'm in there one week and then two weeks and then in the second week it finally hit me like, man, I'm blocked up. The Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone. Mm. And at that point, like it hit me like, Man, you're locked up. Yeah. And it's funny just from being separated from, you know, the people Yeah. Or from the guys you are out there just, you know, talking with, you know, working out with and whatever. And I broke down. I remember breaking down and I remember I started writing and I, man, I wrote like some poem you could say slash prayers while I was in there. Mm-hmm. and yeah, it finally hit me, man, locked up. And then from there, I think I spent like a month there. And then they sent me a dam where I finished out my, my time. So I, altogether I did three years. Mm-hmm. uh, cuz they give you, back then they give you a, a good time. Mm-hmm. So I had gotten a six months good time. So I ended up doing three years.

Ann: 35:34

So you did three years, um, the age of 18. So you spent, you know, three years of your young teenage life in there. Um, what was it like to come back to life, Like, to come back to your neighborhood, your family? Um, tell us a little bit about that. Yeah.

Omar: 35:55

I remember when, when I got out and I came home like my, uh, you know, my parents, my mom and dad, and coming to my house, and the house seemed so small. I don't know why. It seems so small, and it was, it took some adjusting to, to be honest, like, you, you, you don't realize the, the effects that that had on you until later on, even till now. Mm-hmm. like, when I reflect back and think about certain things, it, it, it does have an effect. Like, I believe it made me, uh, more cold. I, I think, um, in there I learned my way of coping is to tune out from the situation. Mm-hmm. like I remember I would be like in the yard, sitting on the bench and I would zone out, I would imagine myself, like, uh, just somewhere else, you know? Mm-hmm. like, I'm not here, I'm not locked up. And I like daydreaming, I guess to put it simply. Yeah. And that was my way of coping. Just, you know, daydreaming. I remember in East Molin they had a, um, uh, what do you call it? A out auto shop, which is basically like school uhhuh. So they had cars down there. You know, they teach you, uh, how to, you know, like how to work on cars mm-hmm. And so I'm down there and, and I took the class. But you know what I would do? Sometimes they had cars. I would just open the door sitting there, and that's just dra daydream that I'm cruising. Mm. That I'm cruising the neighborhood, or man, just sitting there, just, you know, like for real, uh, like using my imagination to escape the reality of where I was at. Yeah. And man, it's things like that, that, like, I, I would always escape reality. There was no emotions. I remember my family when they would go visit me and I seen them, you know, we're in the visiting room talking, and they would leave and never failed. Every time I got a huge headache. When they left, once I got back to my room, and now I think I used to get those huge headaches cuz I was like suppressing my emotions, if I'm being honest. Yeah, yeah. Like, is it hurt, you know, to see them, you know, come see you and then they leave. And I would always get headaches, like, man, why'd always get a headache. Yeah. And back then I didn't know why, but now I think it was, man, I'm suppressing my emotions. So yeah. Coming home, you know, it took some, some, uh, readjusting, you know, to certain things. Uh, I remember I got out in February and then March I had gotten a job, you know, a month later my, my younger brother got me a job. And I remember I started working on a Wednesday. I worked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I was only making$9 an hour. Mm-hmm. But it was legit, you know, it's like, you know, I was out on parole too. I gotta say that. So when you're out on parole, basically if you get into any more trouble, they could send you back to finish the rest of your time. Mm-hmm. which would've been the complete seven years. So if I would've got, you know, in some more trouble, I could end up going back. So I was trying to, to be good, but yet still messing around, still going to the neighborhood. Um, but yeah, I was just trying to, to, to be good, but I remember what, what ended up happening. So I worked them three days and that Friday night, I believe back then people still had beepers. Mm-hmm. Pagers. This was 2000 I think. I don't think like cell phones were No, you, you

Ann: 39:11

had a

Omar: 39:11

pager, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I remember. Yeah. We had pagers. So, yeah. So I remember it was a Friday night, you know, I was out a month and I'm paging everybody. It was 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night and nobody was calling me. I was at home. I was mad like it's a Friday night. What the heck am I doing at home? Mm-hmm. you know, I should be out, you know, having a good time. So finally, I think it was my cousin. Responded. He came and got me like, it was a past midnight, we ended up going to a party in the neighborhood. So we're at this party, and that's me. You know, the guys from our neighborhood and there was guys from, uh, like a couple blocks down, same gang. And we're drinking, you know, I'm, I'm drinking out of a, a Kool-Aid picture. Mm-hmm. We had a kegger. And I'm just guzzling, you know, guzzling beard, you drinking. Uh, so long story short, I see my brother getting ready to fight with somebody. I seen him arguing with somebody. So I'm just watching him and sure enough, here he go, swinging on the guy. Mm-hmm. So as soon I put my little picture down, I went over there to swing myself to hit the guy. And one of my friends was drinking out of a glass cup mm-hmm. and threw it at the guy. And it just so happened that as I was going to hit him, that glass hit my hand. Oh, before it hit the guy. Yeah. And then I went back to swing again. And the same thing happened. Another guy had a glass and threw it at the guy and hit my hand. Oh my goodness. So what are the odds of that? So, I don't know. They could see. But yeah, like 40 stitches later. What ended up happening, I had a bunch of cuts in my hand. Uh, I had cut some arteries, some tendons. I remember going to the bathroom and wash my hand and they're like, Man, I was so drunk that I couldn't feel the pain. Anyways, it took me to Cook County and man, yeah, they ended up, you know, fixing it. And later on I had to have surgery. But what that led to was me falling into a big depression. I got really depressed cuz I was like, man, here I am. I had just gotten out, I had just got a job. I just worked three days and now I can't work. So I remember like going to my neighborhood by myself afterwards, you know, after this happened. I had my hand in the cast and I would just walk around with a screwdriver in my pocket and. I tell people that at this point, and even in other points in my life, when I was younger, when I was out in the streets, you know, I was like suicidal without wanting to kill myself. And I explained it in this sense that I will put myself in situations where I could get myself hurt, but I wasn't gonna do it myself. Like, I had no hope for a future. I didn't see anything good coming out of my life. I just figured, man, it'd be better if I were dead. So, yeah, you know, here I am, just got out and I'm walking in my neighborhood, uh, knowing, knowing well that I, I'm right-handed. So if anybody were to jump out on me as I'm out there by myself, I would've really technically been able to defend myself, you know? So I was out there just basically looking to get hurt, I guess. Mm-hmm. but, uh, man, through God's grace, I believe he, he protected me, you know, even in that mindset that I had. Yeah. You know, not looking forward to anything.

Ann: 42:21

So, You know, I'm, I'm listening to you and you're telling us about how, you know, you came out and it just seems like things were getting worse for you. Uh, you got a job, which was good, but then you go out, you get drunk, um, you end up injuring your hand and, uh, requiring surgery on it. You're depressed. You're basically, like you said, suicidal without being suicidal. Um, you're out there in the streets. Uh, what happened, I guess at, at some point, right, Something must have happened, um, that changed. That, what started happening to you?

Omar: 43:07

Yeah. I would say that, you know, cuz when I hurt my hand was in March. So I was out there, you know, in the neighborhood. Just, you know, like I said, injured, you know, hanging out, you know, doing things I shouldn't have been doing. And, uh, man, I would say, I think everything changed was on June 1st, 2000. Uh, I was standing on the corner, you know, in the neighborhood just hanging out. I was drinking a 32 ounce of Corona, hanging out with a couple buddies, and then I looked across the street and I seen a very fine woman walking down the street and blonde blue jeans, white blouse. I'm like, Dang, You know, I'm looking, I'm looking and I'm a liking, you know, So I remember I, and just wanna say that this, that was this woman

Ann: 43:55

here, it better be

Omar: 43:59

So that was her. So that was the first time I seen her, you know, I was out there. So I remember my buddy, he had a convertible parked in the corner, right? That was his car. So I told him, Hey man, give me, let me use your car. I'm gonna jump in your car. I'm gonna go holler at this girl. Like, Nah, nah man. I'm like, Come on man, let me use your car. So, You know, basically, you know, he was hating on me. He didn't wanna gimme the, the chance cuz I didn't have no car, you know? So my cousin was there, I jumped in his, you know, his gangster van. So, but by then you're already a couple blocks down. So I remember, you know, we drove up and I was hanging out the window and then I just said, Hey girl, could I holler at you? And you looked at me and like, hey, you know, so I jumped out, you know, I started talking to you and that was the first day we met. So I remember, I think you were getting ready to go clubbing that night with your, uh, with your cousin. And, but you know, we were talking and that's, Hey, let's hang out. Uh, I told you, Hey, I got$3. What you wanna do? I know you remember.

Ann: 44:53

Yes. you famous one-liner. So

Omar: 44:56

hey, only had three bucks. A I kept it real. And, and look, it only cost me three bucks. And here we are, but no, yeah, we, we, we ended up, uh, hanging out that night. You know, I remember we went cruising and we just. I just remember joking, joking around a lot, me and you, you know, back and forth, just laughing and ha having a good time. And I believe we made a good connection. And after that, you know, we started, um, you know, seeing each other more and, um, I'll say like, uh, feelings started growing for one another. Uh, but, um, I, I, I gotta share this. I, I didn't wanna sh um, the way I explained it, I don't, I didn't wanna be a sucker for love. Mm-hmm. I guess I don't wanna share, like, man, I don't wanna say that I man, like say, I love this girl and then she's gonna go and hurt me because I had been hurt in the past. Mm-hmm. when I was younger, I was in a relationship where my girl wasn't my girl. Mm-hmm. you know, I got a, a tattoo on my back that says trust, no B. So that was my mentality, like, man, I'm not gonna. I'm not giving, I'm not gonna give my heart to a woman that easily. It's, I was guarded even in that. Mm-hmm. So here I am coldhearted, you know, because, you know, the, the lifestyle of prison and the streets. And here I am guarding my heart like, man, I ain't gonna, I ain't gonna show no, I ain't gonna show no woman that I love her or tell her that I love her. Right. You know, and I remember we were together. I forget how long, and you had told me that you love me, and I would be like, Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. you know, and it's, it was just, you know, pride. Yeah. Not wanting to put myself out there to get hurt. So I remember I would, when people would ask me, Is that, is that your girlfriend? I'd be like, Nah, we're just kicking it. You know, just so, so I wouldn't be, you know, I was guarded. Cause I don't wanna be like, made to look like a fool if, if you, if it turned out you weren't Yeah. My girlfriend or my woman or however you want to call it. So, Yeah, to answer your question, that's what happened. I met you and, uh, we were both, I would say lost back then. Yeah. So we had. Two lost people trying to help one another. Yeah. Uh, we ended up, you know, getting together a few years. Uh, you, you moved into the neighborhood. Yeah. Uh, that's how I met you. You moved like right down the block, you know, from where I was hanging out at, uh, we were, you know, go by your house and chill. And, uh, I, I do gotta share this one story. When we were hanging out, this was, you know, after we met, we were together probably a year. I remember it was the summertime we were hanging out in front of your house. You know, a lot of the guys used to like hanging up there cuz it was like, uh, some more guys that lived on the second floor from where you lived and there'd be guys hanging out. Yeah. So I remember we were out there and that night you had told me like to go in. So I remember I went in and then I like, ah, you know what? I ain't gonna stay in here. You know, I'm gonna go hang out with my friends outside. You know, like, man, they're hanging out. So yeah, I remember like, ah, you know, let's just chill. I think it was late already. Yeah. Like, man, let's just chill. Watch a movie. Like, nah, I'm gonna go hang in the front. So I went to the front. We're hanging out there and sure enough, I think maybe like five minutes after I went out there mm-hmm. a car pulls up on us. Yeah. Both windows rolled down. Yeah. Passenger side and the back seat and they just started shooting at us. Yeah. Remember? So strange too. Yeah. It was right there cuz uh, and, and on that block is only like maybe a car's length from where the, um, like the stairs are at to go into the houses and it was very close. So yeah, there was a bunch of guys that started shooting and uh, we all, I remember diving to the floor, everybody dope ran, whatever. And uh, only one of the guys got got shot. He got shot in the leg. Uh, luckily he was okay. They took him to the hospital. No, no major damage. But the crazy part is when, when we went back down to your apartment. Yeah. Uh, her bedroom was right, like in facing her window face. Like even though it was on the, um, basement floor, you could say. Yeah. Um, when there were shooting. Two bullets went right in through the window Yeah. And right to where her bed was at, where basically where me and her would've been sitting. Yeah. So I remember we went back in and we seen the bullet holes right in the bedroom wall and we're like right in the wall. Yeah. If we would've been, if we would basically, if I would've stayed in there, Yeah. We probably gotta got shot, either me or you. So I always remember that there was always shootings there. Uh, you know, it, it was crazy. It was a crazy neighborhood. And I remember, um, a, a friend of ours, uh, in, uh, asked us if we would move into her house. She lived more south, I believe it was on 62nd and killed there. Was it somewhere over there? Was it? Yeah. And um, we ended up moving out of the neighborhood into our basement apartment and um, yeah. That started us on a whole nother trajectory.

Ann: 49:49

Yeah. I just have to say going back, um, to, to when we met, I remember you clearly telling me that you were not looking for anything serious, that you've been hurt in the past. And it's funny cuz that's the same place that I was coming from too. I had just gotten out of a very toxic, um, violent relationship. And so I wasn't looking for another relationship. I wasn't looking for that. And so I felt like that's why we, we, it's weird, but we kicked it off so well, like we, we formed this friendship. Um, we got along so well, you know, we formed this friendship and like you said, we were lost. We were lost. It was like the blind leading the blind back then. Yeah. Um, but one thing that, you know, I think that always stood out to me was that, you know, you were protective of. And even though I was out there in the streets too, like just hanging out with my sister, with my cousin doing my thing, you were just like, Hey, you good. You know, always checking up, making sure everything was good. Um, that night when, because we had a, I think, two drive-bys that I can remember. Yeah. Um, because like I tell you now, I feel like they traumatized me, especially that one, going back to the apartment and seeing those two bullet holes. I just, it, I just couldn't get outta my mind that that could have been us sitting there. We were right there literally before it happened, and I just couldn't get that off my mind. I was, I was the one freaking out. I was the one like, yeah, I was just freaking out. And then seeing your friend, you know, I know you, you just say, It's so calmly. Yeah. My, you know, my friend got shot in the leg, but seeing this guy and his legs bleeding and they put, bring him into the apartment. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Right. You came downstairs, they bring him into the apartment and they're trying to stop the blood and they're like, Well, let's take him to, Then you put him in a car and you take a, This was like something out of a movie for me. It was just happening. Just so, it was just surreal. Like, is this really happening? And that's the kind of life that I found myself in after like, um, being with you, you know? Um, of course I had been in, in other situations prior to, but nothing like this where we were getting shot at just literally a couple feet distance, you know? Um, and my sister was there too. So it, it wa it became a very, um, just dangerous. Type of lifestyle where even, even though I was out there, you know, um, kind of numbing my pain with alcohol, like this really did something to me. It really traumatized me. So then we end up moving out of Pilsen into, um, our friend's basement. Right. And I felt like things, I thought things were gonna get better because now we're out of that whole environment. Um, but it didn't, So tell us a little bit about what that looked like once we moved over to, uh, 62nd and Kill. Yeah.

Omar: 53:11

Well we moved out of there. That, that got me out of the neighborhood. So I wasn't directly there, but I was still hanging around with the guys, you know, on the weekends. Still still going over there. So, yeah, you know, I think it had an effect cuz I think it's a, there's a difference when you're every day in the neighborhood when, when you're only going over there on certain days. So, There was like a slow detachment, uh, didn't make me better, you know, still drinking and doing whatever. Uh, but yeah, I would say what ended up happening was, I think we were together four years at this point. We're living there and, uh, she, uh, the, um, the friend that, uh, we moved in with, invited you to church. Mm-hmm. And I remember you're like, Hey, I'm gonna go to church. And you went and you came back and you were saying, Man, I gave my life to the Lord. You know, Hey, I'm, I'm gonna follow with Jesus. And I'm like, Okay, good for you. You know? Mm-hmm. And I remember telling you, Yeah, good for you. You know, I already believe in God and always used to wear my cross, my rosary. So I was like, Man, hey, you know, go, go ahead. I just, I think I remember you telling you, Hey, you know, you told me to go with you and I ain't gonna go with you. Like, I'm good, you know? I believe in God and I, but I did tell you this. You know, just, just, just pray for me. I think it's probably the worst thing I ask you to do

Ann: 54:33

Yeah. And um, at that time I was pregnant too. I was pregnant with, um, our daughter. I was pregnant with our daughter Angelina, maybe two or three months pregnant. Um, and things just gotten worse. I honestly started to see things getting worse. I had hit rock bottom in my life. Um, I just seen the cycle kind of repeating itself for me. Um, pregnant again, um, just in a relationship that's not a committed relationship. Um, you were doing your thing. I was doing mine, but now I had to slow down because now I'm pregnant. Now I can't numb my pain through alcohol now. I can't, you know, numb it through cigarettes and everything else. I was doing partying, clubbing, and I believe at that time when she asked me to go, it, it was definitely the Lord calling me and tugging on my heart. And when I went and I surrendered my life to the Lord, um, I thought, I thought when I got home things are gonna be better, things are gonna be great. But I felt that the closer I got to God, the more you, um, you acted out like, man, I felt like you started getting worse. Things started getting worse in my home. Tell us a little bit about that.

Omar: 55:57

I will say, well, back then, you know, I asked you to pray for me. And I remember when you kept going to church and praying for me, I started having a lot of demanding nightmares that night. I started having dreams about stuff in my past that I had forgotten about. And it was almost like God was opening up a book and showing me like, Man, this, this incident and that incident, like, I don't know. It was weird, like showing me what, what things that I was involved with that I had done. So this went on for a few months. Um, and I Yeah, you're right. I started getting worse. And back then I didn't know about like, the spiritual life. I didn't know that there's like a spiritual battle happening because here you are coming with the light of God, the light of Christ into the home. And here I am in darkness. Here I am, you know, uh, like, like the gang I was part of the, the name of it was a Sadan Disciples. And I remember back then when with my friends, we, we would always say, I don't even wanna say it now, but I have to say it so people understand. We used to say, uh, more the Diablo, which is basically like love of the devil. Mm-hmm. And we would always confess it. And back then I didn't know that the Bible says that the tongue has a power of life and death. And, and that you will eat like the fruit, the fruit, or whatever words you're speaking. So here we, here you are in darkness. Living a lifestyle that that is of the enemy, you know? Cause the Bible says that the devil was out to steal, kill, and destroy. And that's what you're involved in. You're confessing his name, you're saying that you love him. And of course it was more than that. It was more than just the natural, It was the spiritual. Yeah. Because I remember even back then, in my younger days, I remember like on, on times where I got high and I would try to go to sleep at night. I would actually see like devils. I had my eyes closed and I could see the images of devils like, like they're in the room with me. So it was definitely darkness. But when you're, when you're in that lifestyle, you're in darkness. I don't care what the name of your gang is, I don't care if you're on the right or the left. And the natural, you may have a certain name for your gang. But in the spiritual, they're all se serving the same one. They're all serving the enemy. Hmm. You know, they're all, they're all serving the fallen angel and doing his work. So, yeah, there was definitely a spiritual battle going on, say in our home as you were praying for me. And this went on for a few months. Yeah. And then I remember I got like really bad one day. They had to carry me home. My friends from coming home. I was drunk. And I think you had enough, You like, you know, and, and at that point, you know, you're like, Oh, you know, I think we're gonna, you know, there was, it was just a bad night, a bad few weeks, I'll say. And uh, the thing you're like, Oh, and I believe that's the time you call my parents and told'em to come talk to me. And I remember I was mad. Yeah. I was furious, like, man, I'm 20 something years old. You calling my mom and dad and then you're, you're telling me that I gotta leave the apartment and like, No, you leave. Mm-hmm. I remember back then we were, uh, splitting the rent, uhhuh, that thing we were going halves cause we weren't married, you know? Yeah. And they're like, What you kicking me out? You can't kick me up. I pay rent here too. But anyways, yeah, it was crazy. You know? I think we were getting ready to probably, to, you know, you were getting ready to leave me, you know, the way I was acting and I told you, um, I think it was like on a Sunday night, I asked you to pray for me. Yeah. I don't know if you wanna share.

Ann: 59:20

Yeah. And so that was the night where, um, I called your parents. I packed your clothes and I put it out. And I was just getting ready to, to just, um, release you. Um, my prayer was that, you know, God, if, if this man is for me, change him Lord. And if he's not, um, take him out of my heart. Take him outta my life because I, I don't wanna do this again. I had done it before. I was already a single mom and I didn't wanna do this again. And I said, Lord, I I can do this with you. I can take care of my children with you, Lord, as long as I have you. And so, I, I just knew it was time to say goodbye. But you weren't having it You, you weren't having it. And that night, I remember, um, that was a hard night. That was a hard night. But you, you said, you know, pray for me. Pray for me. I see the change in you, but pray for me. And I remember just being a couple months in my walk with the Lord, but I remembered, um, seeing the women and, and the men pray and they would just put their hands on the person they were praying for and they would just start praying for them. And that's what I did. I just remember going over to you, you were hung over on the bed and I just put my hands on you and I started praying for you. And I just remember, like I, I think you started crying. I think you started crying and you were, you told me that you see demons. And I remember praying for that too. And then you said, you know, I'll go to church with you. And at that time I think we were going twice a week. I was going twice a week with my friend Tuesdays and Thursdays. Right. And, and Sundays. And, And Sundays, yeah. So three times a week. And I remember I said, Okay, Tuesday, cuz that it was, uh, I think Sunday. Yeah. I said, Tuesday come with me to church. So I remember you said, Yeah. And I said, um, I remember calling my mentor Monday morning to let her know that you said, yeah, that you were gonna come to church because we, we both had been praying for you. And she was so happy. She was like, Praise God, we gotta pray and we gotta really pray for him. I said, Okay. So I remember going to work and um, I was, I did sales and I was in my car and here I am pregnant and driving and I'm praying and I'm crying and I'm crying and I'm just asking God, God, if this man is for me, change him. And if he's not for me, take him out of my life and out of my heart, Lord. And I remember that was Monday. You were still excited to go, I'm gonna go, Tuesday comes along and I'm praying and I'm, I'm even more excited. And you confirmed with me that morning that, yeah, you're gonna go, Well, I'm, I'm coming home and I'm like, let's, you know, getting ready. And then, um, I see you and I ask you, you ready to go? And you're like, Nah, you know what? I'm tired. I just got outta work. I'm not gonna go, but you go. And I said, But that's not what you said. You said you were gonna go and you were like, Nah, nah, I'm gonna take a shower. I'm gonna go lay. And I said, All right, so as you went in the shower, I did, The only thing that I thought to do in that moment was I, I went in the room and I closed the door, my bedroom, and I got on my knees and I just started praying. And I said, God, if he's the one for me, change him, change his heart. And if he's not, take him out of my life. And I remember as I'm praying, I hear a knock at the door, and then I open it and you're like, Come on, let's go. Let's go. And I said, I don't think I've seen a pregnant woman run so fast to grab her coat But I said, Let's go

Omar: 1:03:29

Yeah. You know what's weird? That that day, that Tuesday, I remember driving home from work and a deep, deep sleep hit me like, Man, I would say like never before I was actually falling asleep on the expressway, driving home like a heaviness. Now, now that I'm thinking about it was a heaviness. I believe it was a spiritual attack. I believe the enemy wanted me to be so tired, so weary that just almost like he was trying to put me into sleep, you know, so I could just stay home. So I believe that was a spiritual attack, but yeah, you praying Definitely changed it. We ended up going to church, East Chicago, Indiana. Remember I got there, a brother at the door gave me a hug as soon as I walked in, and I, man, I like this. You don't be hugging on me. You know, For real. My family, we didn't hug back then. It was all handshakes, you know, you shake one another's hand, that's about it. And, uh, man went in there, you know, the worship, you know, was very, uh, you know, very lively worship. I was, you know, I, I wasn't used to that, you know, was like, uh, what, what would you say, what's the word? Uh, what's the word? How would you describe that type of worship? Just like spontaneous worship. Spontaneous and, Yeah. Clapping. Yeah, you go dancing, you know, So, yeah, they, you know, the worshiping pastor starts preaching, sharing the word. Man, the words' hitting me, you know, I feel it on the inside. At the end, he makes a altar call. Who here wants to accept Jesus Christ, Lord than Savior? And by then, man, just everything, the worship and the preaching that he did was already like, tugging at my heart. So I lift him up my hand. I remember he asked me to come to the front, I think it was me and somebody else. He let, he let me in a, in a sinner's prayer. Uh, basically confessed that I'm a sinner in need of a savior. He had me repeat the prayer after him. Uh, then I remember he put his hand on top of my head, and when he put his hand on top of my head, I just felt like a heat start filling my body, like slowly, like from the top of my head all the way down. And at this moment, I didn't know. I didn't know what was happening to me. Like I didn't know anything about the Bible or anything about the Holy Spirit, nothing. So I'm just up there. And I remember I went into the back talking to a brother, uh, and his wife and you know, they were talking to me and they, they prayed for me. They gave me a Bible. And I remember the. We went home and the next day I woke up and something changed. Something definitely happened when I said that prayer and that pastor put his hand in my head and prayed for me. I remember the next morning, I'm at work, I got my Bible. I brought my Bible to work, and I'm reading it and the Bible was coming alive to me. I'm reading it and I had tried to read the Bible before, like even when I was in jail, I would open it and read it. I didn't get nothing out of it. It was like a foreign language. But when I opened it up this time, it's like coming alive and speaking to me like in real time, real life. I remember at work, I was a guy running like the squares, like gambling. Uh, it was either football, sometimes we would even do like the boxing, you know, like rounds, uh, betting. Basically I was involved in gambling at work, you know, like mm-hmm. A lot of people look at it like nothing. Mm-hmm. but. To me, it, gambling in my family is, is not good. Um, my dad's father, which is my grandfather, ended up getting killed in a card game gambling, uh, from, from what my father tells us. I grew up watching my dad and my uncles gamble up to like four or five in the morning. We're all crying, tired, want to go home? And oh, they're over there playing poker all through the middle of the night until the early morning. So gambling was like big and it was big in my family. But that morning, that next day, like something in me is telling me, Man, you have to stop gambling. Mm-hmm. And I remember on my nine 30 break at work, I felt that conviction so heavily that I drove to the atm, I got some money, I came back and I handed off the pool to somebody else. So like, Here, man, I ain't gonna be running. Mm-hmm. these pools no more. I got out of that. And, um, Yeah, I would say that next day started to, you know, like there was a change. Definitely a change. I remember going to church Thursday for the prayer meeting, and, and Sunday was when it really, really, something drastic changed. It was me, you, and your sister. We went to church, you know, and on the way back we went to Best Buy and we bought the movie, The Passion of the Christ. We went back to our apartment and we're, we put the movie in, we're watching it. And I remember when the movie ended, I asked you and your sister to, to leave the apartment, and you're like, Why? And I told you, just leave. Like, just, you know, just get out of the apartment. And you guys left. And I remember I grabbed my Bible. I opened it, and when I opened it, I tried to read it, but I just started crying. Mm-hmm. I just started crying, like uncontrollably, like tears were just falling down my face. And after I started crying, I, I just started throwing up. I was in the bathroom throwing up for like a good 15 minutes, just nonstop throwing up. And I remember you guys came back about an hour later and I was all like looking all sickly pale and like, What's wrong with you? Mm-hmm. And man, I don't know, like at, at that moment I like, man, maybe something I ate. But the crazy thing is that that night we ended up going to a church on the north side, Fuller by Fullerton and Pulaski and they were having a play, it was called, uh, Hells Flames in Heaven, Skates. It was basically a production company. They travel the country and they go to churches and they do this play, you know, for people to just, to go watch it. So we're like, uh, dang. I knew I needed to go see that place. So we ended up going, we parked around the corner of the church. It was me, you, I believe it was your sister and our friend. Mm-hmm. where we, that we live with and we get to the front of the church and there was a lot line of people waiting to get in. They were waiting by the doors. They hadn't opened the doors yet. Yeah. And we got to the front and I remember asking you to gimme the car keys mm-hmm. and you're like, Why? I like, Man, just gimme the car keys, So I remember you gave me the car keys. I took a step to turn around and I just began to throw up in front of the church. Mm-hmm. I threw up in front of the church. I left a trail going through the side all the way back to your car. I got to the backseat of your car and I was still throwing up. And I believe that that whole day from that incident in the morning and that night, that was like God cleansing me. Yeah. Cleansing me of all the wickedness of all, whatever pact, I guess in a sense that I had made with the devil by com, confessing, you know, making an allegiance, I guess, with him. Yeah. Spiritually. And it was, it was like a deliverance in that moment. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so I would say that, uh, the only way I could, the only thing I could compare it to is like, there's a story in the Bible where Jesus went into the temple. And he started flipping up, uh, flipping over tables and chasing the people out. Remember he made a chord and started Yeah. Like a whip, and started chasing people out of the temple. And he said, No, this is my father's house. Yeah. You have turned it into a house of, Of thiefs. Yeah. Into a then of thieves. Mm-hmm. So that's the only thing I could compare it to. Like the Bible says that God was gonna send the Holy Spirit into us. So I believe what happened on that day when I asked Jesus into my heart and into my life, the heat that I felt, that was the Holy Spirit that filled me. And I believe that that following Sunday, the Holy Spirit cleaned house. Cause the Bible says that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Yeah. So I think that's what made it easy for me to change. That brought about a quick change where I stopped drinking, you know, stopped. You know, I stopped getting high, you know, back then I think I was only smoking weed. But even that, and it was just, Like overnight. It was just a touch of God, honestly. I know a lot of people would tell me, Man, you got good willpower. You got man, you're, you know, you're strong. And like, Nah, it's not me. Yeah. Trust me, I know it's not me. Cause I, I know what I like. Yeah. You know, I, I read a book, Dr. Everyone, Lewis Cole in it, he said something, he said, Many a man can change his way, but only God can change his nature. Mm-hmm. meaning that we could do stuff to try to change, you know, let's say if I wanna stop drinking, I could go join a club like aa, you know, or something. But we could change our own strength and our own will. Yeah. Possibly. But only God could change our nature, meaning those things that come naturally to us. Mm-hmm. he has the power to change that, almost like to do a reset. So yeah, I would say that was definitely a work of God. I don't know. What do you remember? Like, let's say for instance, what did you think? When you see me like throwing up that night? What do you remember about that night?

Ann: 1:12:25

Yeah, that's why babe, I think your testimon is my favorite because I know who you were. Like, I live with you. I know who you were. Um, I saw that side of you. I saw, you know, I saw the darkness, I saw the, the lost man. I saw the, the, the demonn influenced man, you know, Um, I saw that man, and when the Lord, you know, when the Lord came into your life and you surrendered your life to him. I saw the change. I saw it. It was a radical change. And, and I don't know why or how, you know, it happens, but. It's supernatural. You know, you can't explain something like that. You can't put it into words, but I seen for myself the transformation. I seen you go from darkness to light. I seen your heart change. The man that you were changed, your nature change. I saw that. And like you said, you know, a lot of people say would tell you, man, you have, you have strong willpower. And that's, that takes discipline. But they don't realize that it, it really, it was God. It was God. God's hand is Holy Spirit. His grace, um, that I believe enabled you and, and, you know, changed your life. You know, I can't contribute this to you because I know you and I knew you. the only one that I can say would bring about such a change is God. Yeah. And so for me, because I've, I've lived this out with you and I've seen it. I give the glory to God. I amen. The credit to God because this is not something that, you know, you would've ever invited in, into your life on your own. You know what I mean? Right. You would've never invited healing and transformation and you didn't want nothing to do with that. You know? And it wasn't until you know Jesus came into your life that things changed. That our lives changed. Your life changed. Yeah. Um, drastically. I remember you coming home sometimes and you know, you would share the word with. And, and that even prompted us months later to, to get married because we weren't even married. Um, when, when we got saved. Yeah. Could, could I share that part of the story? Yeah. Yeah. Go for

Omar: 1:15:13

it. So, so here we are. You know, I, I, I get, I get saved In October 26th, 2004. It was a Tuesday I got saved. God's working in me, changing me like immediately. Here I am evangelizing. I remember going back to the neighborhood and witnessing to my friends and knocking on their doors. And I remember like ruining people's highs. They'd be out there all high and I come up to'em and start sharing. God, man, God loves them, man. They need to repent. They need to turn the life around. And I just see them from going out happy to eyes out white like, man, what's this guy talking about? You know? But man, I had a fire for the things of God. Witnessing, evangelizing, man. Just going to church three days a week with you. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday. Learning, growing. And uh, so here we are going to church, you know? And, uh, man, they, they would preach the word hard, you know? They, it was truth, you know? And, uh, I remember they would talk a lot about like, fornicating, you know, if you're living together, sleeping together and you're not married, that's fornication at sin. And that's what we were doing. You know, we weren't married. And I remember you, you would tell me like, Babe, uh, God wants to bless us, but he can't. And I'd be like, Why not? Like, cuz we're, we're not married. We're living in sin. We're living in sin. I'm like, ah, you know, uh, so you, so here I am being obedient to God and all this, and I just couldn't be obedient and making the right by getting married. Like, I don't know why I, I, I never looked at myself as getting married. Uh, you know, I, I shared this where growing up, listening to easy too short and Snoop Dog, they never talk about getting married. You know, So that tho those, those, that was, those were my role models. You know, I never looked at, you know, getting married. So here we are, going to church and I remember telling you, Okay, we'll get married one day, we'll go to city hall, right? And I would always postpone it. I gotta work overtime and we can't, you know, we'll go this week. Oh no, I gotta work overtime. We can't. So we kept pushing it and pushing it. And I remember one day I had, I had told you it was a Friday night, It was February 18th, and I had told you, uh, okay, uh, to, uh, tomorrow we'll go get married. Uh, so you fell asleep next to me on the bed. So I'm there, I'm just sitting on the bed and a deep doubt just hit me like, do I want to get married? You know, should I get married? So I'm right there like debating like I don't want to get married. So I remember I said a prayer. I said, God, give me a sign that you want me to marry this woman. I'm not gonna marry her cuz she's telling me to marry her. I'm not gonna marry her cuz the pastor and the church are saying that should marry her. I even said, I'm not gonna marry her just cuz she's pregnant. I said, I want to do your will and not my will. Like, give me a sign. If you want me to marry this woman, give me a sign that you want me to marry this woman. So I remember I'm there and I'm just praying. I had my eyes closed and just one word came to me. I, I didn't hear, hear it, Um, audibly, excuse me. But the word was, I don't know if it came to my mind or to my heart, however you wanna explain it, but just one word, Proverbs. It was just that proverb. So when that word came to me, I remember a pastor saying that whatever day of the, of the month it was, read that chapter of Proverbs cuz uh, the book of Proverbs consists of 31 chapters and most months have like 31 days. So, or okay, so I said my prayer, give me a sign. The word comes to me, Proverbs. So I grab my Bible next to me. I open up to the book of Proverbs and I turn to Proverbs 18, cuz it was February 18. So I started reading and I get it to Proverbs 1822. And it says, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. I remember reading that. I closed my Bible and the next morning we went and got married. Yeah. You know, and we went, it was just me and you, no witnesses. City hall. We were the second couple in line. Yeah. We went in there, got married and we celebrated by going to Baker Square and having some breakfast. and I, I remember sitting there and Baker's Square as we're just eating and literally I felt like a weight come off my shoulders. Yes. Like I felt something come off of me. Yes. And after that, that's when God started like blessing us. Like literally like just blessing after blessing. Started coming to us and I was having a conversation with a brother recently that there's blessing and obedience. You know, a lot of times God, you know, bless me, you know, God, make this happen, but we wanna disobey what he calls us to do. Uh, we wanna do things our way. Yeah. You know, and back then I wanted a, you know, continue living how it was without getting married. But I was like you mentioned it's sin. Yeah. You know, and there's no way to Oh, times have changed. No. Maybe times have changed, but his word doesn't change. That's right. And if we want God's blessing, we, we gotta walk in obedience and do those things that he calls us to do. So I believe that he, he blessed that he that. And man, we've been married 17 years now. We got married on uh, February 19th, 2005. So it's been a blessing. It's honestly, that's one of the best things I've ever done, cuz you've truly been a blessing in my life. A lot of the stuff that, that I've been able to accomplish has been a lot of times through your prayer or just words of wisdom that God gives you for us, for our marriage, and for me. And it's, you know, it's, we have, we've had our and downs. Right. It hasn't been be, you know, just all beautiful, you know, it's, it's been some struggles in there, but yes. One thing that has kept our marriage strong is that God's been in the center of it. Yeah. Of our family. So yeah, definitely man, God's been good. There's so much we could say, but yeah. Yeah.

Ann: 1:21:21

And I think to add to that is his grace, babe. I think that his grace has is, is everything his grace covers us through and through. It's covered us through, you know, our struggles, our. Our season when we struggled with communicating with one another, which really affected our marriage in so many ways. And we didn't even know what the problems were that we were having, but a lot of it had to do, um, with communication. And we even, um, you know, took a class and, and received, um, fusion marriage counseling, um, for those areas of our struggles. You know, I think one thing that it's is important to mention is, um, the investments that we've made into our marriage. Um, we've, we've taken marriage classes, um, co marriage counseling, um, we've invested in going to marriage retreats. Yeah. Um, and I'm not saying that God. um, is blessing us because, you know, of the things that we do, God's grace is unmarried favor. It's not because of works, it's not because of what we do, but I do believe that faith and love for your spouse wanting to invest in your marriage, that all aligns up with God's will for our lives. With him being at, in the center of it with him, um, leading us and, and, and guiding us. I do believe that it is important to invest in our marriage and it's worth it. It's worth every, every bit of time. Um, and, and even monetary investments that we've had to make, um, our date nights. You know, setting aside that time for one another. Um, our time of fellowship with each other and with the Lord. You know, the times that we've gotten in prayer together, um, just all that, uh, leads to a healthy, strong marriage in the Lord. And yeah, And like you said, you know, I know you've mentioned I've been a blessing to you. You've been a blessing to me. You've been a blessing to me. Um, because you, you are a man who, who loves God. You are a man who's honest, a man of little words, but more action. Um, and that has always been to me, like you've been a model for me and, and our children. Um, um, to, to be a doer, you know, to be a doer and of the word, like, like don't just hear the word but actually put it to action and do. And, um, you've set that example for us. And I'm really grateful to the Lord for you and, um, I can't wait to see what the Lord continues to have for you and, um, for our family. Because when I say that, I don't say it lightly because I know blessings come, but I also know fiery darts come along with that too. And so I don't, I don't just throw that out there lightly. And, um, but I know we trust in the Lord. We trust in him. So, um, I know that you usually finish off your, uh, wrongest strong episodes with asking your guests, you know, what are some words of what, what's some words or advice that you would give to someone who's maybe gone, is going through, through what you're, you went through? What would some words of advice or encouragement be for that person?

Omar: 1:25:14

I would say not to. Um, a lot of times we complain about the stuff we went through, uh, some of the bad stuff that's happening in my life. Um, one thing I wanna share before we end, I know I mentioned back then when my cousin got killed, just my hatred for the police, right? Mm-hmm. the way I felt and God changed my heart towards that, to be honest. Amen. Um, that's how I felt back then at that point. But, um, I, you know, I also got family. I got cousins that are police officers. Mm-hmm. I got, uh, cousins. They are firemen, family that are all, you know, family in the military. So basically what's changed, God's changed my heart. I believe he's brought healing in that area, uh, to realize that man, um, a police officers are human. They have a, you know, a, a tough, a tough job to do. And honestly, I'm, I'm be honest, I admire people that run towards the gunfire, if that makes sense. Yeah. Cops have a tough job to do. You know, they, they go to where people are running from where there's danger. Instead of running away from it, they go towards it and they're, you know, the majority of them are there to serve and protect. You know, I know recently they got in a lot of, you know, bad press. And the way I look at it is their sin, no matter what field you're in. Mm-hmm. you know, you're always gonna have your, like they say bad apples, whether it be in police or anywhere. You, you could even have it, let's say in pastors. All you see in the, in, in the news is, let's say the ones that are bad, they never show you the ones that are doing good, right? Mm-hmm. serving God faithfully. And so there sin no matter what field you're in. And yeah, got got definitely brought a different perspective, a change of heart to me. And, uh, now that I'm a law abiding citizen, you know, I don't, I don't look at the police that way, Mm-hmm. quote, quote unquote, uh, law abiding citizen But yeah, I just wanted to share that, just to clarify that. Um, Yeah. To anybody out there. Um, like some of the bad stuff that happens, I think it believe shapes us and mold us into what God wants us to be. Even the bad, like, like, um, right before I got locked up, I was very bad and I was, I was doing everything. I was smoking weed, I was drinking, I was doing acid. We used to roll joints, put cocaine in them and dip'em in PCP and smoke it. That's like, you gotta be like just out there bad, just trying to experiment and try a new high with mm-hmm. straight up, all type of craziness, all in one smoke. Uh, so I was out there bad. So when I got locked up for the three years when I got out, the only stuff that I touched was drinking and smoking weed. I'd never touched pcp, cocaine, acid, and all these other stuff. Hmm. So that was a good thing. Mm-hmm. looking back like man, almost like God saved me for myself. Like by me being in jail, it saved me from getting in probably into some deeper mess. Mm-hmm. by me spending three years in jail, it saved me from maybe getting killed or getting some more time than some other, you know, um, thing that I coulda done. Yeah. Cause while I, while I was in there, I had a, I know a good friend of mine passed away and there were just a lot of violence in the neighborhood, you know, and a lot of the guys were, man, you just hear about just bad stuff happening, you know, as I'm in there. So I believe it was almost, I got, uh, protecting me. Yeah. You know, I, I met, um, a lot of good people in there that I'm friends with today, uh, friends that have reconnected, friends that have come to the Lord recently, you know, and these guys now we're doing bible studies together. Here we are in jail, uh, lifting weights together. Mm-hmm. playing handball basketball, and now God's grabbed a hold of them. Yeah. Bringing chains to their life. So, I believe everything happens for a reason. God has a purpose to even our madness. So to anybody out there in that lifestyle, you know, um, if you feel lost, you feel like there's no future for you, you feel like, Man, it's better if I'm dead. It's better man, if, if, if I'm taken out. I, I didn't share this, but I remember as a teenager, I never wanted to have kids. Hmm. Even in my early twenties, I didn't wanna be a father. I look at, I looked at myself like cursed, Like, I felt like, man, it's better if I die and I don't have no seed left behind. And I know that was a lie of the enemy cuz the enemy wanted to finish me off and he wanted to finish off those kids that were gonna be a blessing. So now when I see, you know, uh, I know Angel, you know, he's, he's my stepson. You know, when I met you, he was one year old. But then Angelina came, Moses and I see the blessings that they are and the enemy wanted to take me out and basically them right. So, yeah, don't, don't let the enemy lie to you that there's no hope or a future for you. You know, he's trying to deceive you cuz he doesn't want you to surrender your life to, to God. You know, God created you for a, for a purpose. You're, you're on earth for a purpose. You're, you're not an accident, you're not a product of evolution. You didn't come out from some bacteria like, there's nobody else like you on this earth. And my advice to you was, is if you're in darkness, uh, come to the light, you know, turn to Jesus and repent. That's the first thing Jesus tells us to do, is to repent. You know, to turn away, uh, to seek him. You know, ask Jesus, uh, to be Lord and savior of your life. I know I had a, a brother of ours, a JC recently when he got saved, he said that he fell to his knees and he just started confessing everything that he did. He was by himself. You know, there wasn't no priest there, nobody else. He just fell on his knees and started confessing. He said all this stuff started coming to his mind. And he just started confessing it and asking God to forgive him. Uh, maybe you need to get to that point. You know, get down on your knees and man, just start confessing everything you're done and ask God to forgive you. Ask him to, to heal you, to help you, and to be Lord and savior of your life and, and just to, uh, make room for him. You know, you, you've tried the street life. You, you tried all this other stuff. You try to find your satisfaction with women and drugs, and maybe it satisfies you for a minute, but you still have that void, they call it, that God size void in your heart. Um, that could only be filled by him, and you have to allow room for him to come into your heart. Uh, so my advice to, to anyone listening that is in a similar situation is, man, come, come to God through Jesus Christ. And, and, and then see what he could do for you.

Ann: 1:32:02

Amen. Thank you so much, um, Babe, for allowing me to interview you. Um, this has been just a, a great opportunity again, to kind of relive some of those areas of our lives, you know, to kind of go back and remember, remember what God has done and remember that he's still moving, he's still working in us, inside of us, in our hearts and through us. Yeah. Um, and so I'll hand this off to you so you can end your show, your podcast.

Omar: 1:32:36

Yeah. There, there's basically, this is just, I know we're an hour and 30 minutes into this Uhhuh and we haven't even shared, I don't even think a portion of what God's done for us and through us. I mean, there's so many stories, testimonies that we could share with people. Maybe we'll do that one testimony at a time. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, God's been good to us, merciful and kind. He's, uh, he doesn't, you know, he, he, he bless us, us, he blesses us even when we don't deserve it. You know, it's by, like you mentioned, this is just mercy. His grace. Yeah. Like un unmarried favor, undeserved. Like, well, you know, we don't, we don't do good like to get the blessings, but because of his blessing, it makes us do good.

Ann: 1:33:20

Yeah. Like it's a response to his love. Yes. It's a response to who he is. Um, that's, that's where this, this obedience comes from, is a, is in response to who God is, what he's done, his love for us. Um, his forgiveness for us, it's, it's grace. It's unmarried favor. We, we can't explain it, you know, it's not something that we can explain. Um, but it's, it's all God's doing. And one of the things that I just need to say is, This Christian walk, this, this walk, this journey that we have. It's not an easy one. That's the Bible calls it a narrow path. So along with the blessings, trust me, there have been seasons in our lives where, um, what the Bible calls the spiritual battle, um, where we've had to armor up where we've had to literally, um, put on our armor and, and fight the good fight of faith and grab the sword, which is the word of God, grab our shield, which is, um, you know, the, the shield of faith that extinguishes the fiery darts of the evil one. Um, just because you choose to follow Christ, um, that doesn't mean that you're not gonna see days where the enemy do, you know, comes in like a, like a storm and, and he's. Coming at not just you, but your family, your children, the ones that you love. And you, you have to stand in faith, and you have to trust in the Lord and know that he goes before you and know that at times it's, it's not your battle to fight, but it's his. And he's asking you to show up. And so this walk is not an easy walk, but this walk is worth it. Yes, it's worth it because of what Jesus Christ did for us. You know, we live a life in response to what Jesus Christ already accomplished, already finished, already completed at the cross. And so I, I needed to share that because I, I don't want anyone to ever come under the impression that, okay, I give my life to Christ. Yes, the transformation happens, but after that, I'm good. And, you know, life's gonna be smooth and happy. No, I'm friends. This, this is definitely, um, this is not for the, the weak hearted. This is for, this walk is a walk of, um, picking up our cross and following Jesus. And so, um, again, going back to the question, um, what would you say? Did you, did you already share what you would say? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. We, we already share that. Okay. I get a, I get a little, uh, sidetracked. Yeah. A little. That's right.

Omar: 1:36:20

No, but yeah, no, thank you for sharing that Danny. That's a great, uh, clarification. We're not, uh, you know, saying come to God, everything's gonna be dandy. But now when you do free storms and trials in life, you know, God is with you. God is right by your side. You're not alone. And, and, and, and if you look back on your life, he's been by your side. Yes. If you're alive, you know he's been by your side. Yeah. If you know there was times where you should have been taken out, but you're still here. You got breath in your lungs. God's been by your side. The Bible says that God is patient with us. Yeah. Not wanting anyone to perish, but all to come to repentance. Mm. And there's a reason he's been merciful to you. He's allowing time for you to come to him, to repent, you know, to, to, to ask him to forgive you and, and to make him Lord and savior of your life. So there's a purpose for you. And, uh, yeah, I just, you know, we're, you know, we're gonna close it out now. Uh, I want to thank my wife for joining us and usually I'll end with my, uh, theme music. But today I'm gonna end it with something a little different is actually, I don't know if you could hear that. That's my wife's team music. So what I wanna share is that, um, I don't know when I'm gonna release this podcast, but on Sunday, what date is that? The 23rd? Yeah. October 23rd. October 23rd. Uh, my wife is gonna be releasing her her own podcast and, uh, that is called Her Scars. Tell Us Story. So, I want to just encourage everybody to go look for that podcast, you know, sign, uh, subscribe to it, make sure you like it, and I'm gonna let my wife describe what that's gonna be about.

Ann: 1:37:57

And so thank you for sharing that. Um, yeah, this is a platform for women from different backgrounds, different cultures, um, to have the opportunity to share their story. I have the, had the privilege and the honor to sit across from women, um, during my years in women's ministry, which has been about 17 years that I've been involved at, at some level in women's ministry serving women. Um, and I've had the opportunity to listen to their stories. I've had the opportunity to look into their eyes as they share, you know, some of the things that they've been through. And a lot of these women are just ordinary women just like myself, women who may never have the opportunity to get on a stage or to, to get, uh, you know, to, to, to be exposed. Um, but I, I would like to, you know, partner up with the Lord and provide this platform for women to share their story, to share their scars, to share of the redeeming love and power of God in and through their lives. So this platform is for all women, all women, to just come and be a part of a community that is a safe place that encourages women, that champions women that will just support a woman and her mission. And. Whatever the Lord would put on her heart to share. Um, that's what this platform is for. So again, the name of this podcast is Her Scars. Tell a Story, Launching October 23rd at 7:00 PM on Facebook Live.

Omar: 1:39:58

Amen. Amen. Man, I'm just, I'm, I'm excited. I know God's gonna use that to, to be a blessing, you know, to you and to these women and to anybody else who hears these stories of healing. I know I've got a chance to get a, you know, glimpse into where you're getting to release. And man, some of these stories are deep, uh, some deep, uh, testimonies and, um, man, what God's done, what God's been able to do and heal. And man, her scars tell a story. So make sure you guys, you know, join, you know, on Facebook Live, you could like her, uh, Facebook page on Instagram. You're under her scars. Tell a story. Yes. That that's the, the handle. Uh, but yeah. Uh, so with that, you know, we're gonna get ready to close this out. I wanna thank my beautiful wife for, uh, basically interviewing me today. Uh, it's been a pleasure and a, and a joy going down memory lane with you. Uh, so once again, this is, uh, wrong to strong Chicago. Uh, my name is Omar Calvio and I am wrong to strong.